Slipping Away
by yellowmile
Summary: Clare Edwards didn't know why she found Bianca DeSousa so interesting, but when they start to become friends, Bianca starts to lure Clare into the world of drugs, alcohol, and sex. What will happen to Clare?
1. Innocent

**So for those who are reading my other stories, I promise I will update. _The Dark World of Modeling _is the story that I am working on right now but I will update _Grotesque_, and _Blossomed Flower_ later. But I just had to post this. I know there is only a couple of stories on this site with these two characters but the movie _Thirteen _inspired this. If anyone has watched that movie, you could tell this story is loosely based off it, but I will be having my own plot lines. Also in a way Clare and Bianca remind me of the two main characters in the movie, so that's also another reason. So enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p><em><strong>Slipping Away<strong>_

Innocent

.

The blazing sun shining through my windows, woke me up in excitement. I hopped out of bed and used the bathroom right away. I showered, brushed my teeth and curled my hair. I smiled at my reflection in the mirror-couldn't believing this day was finally happening. It was the first day of grade 10, the most anticipated day since I was 8 . Everyone would think grade 9 was the most exciting day, with starting high school, but no, I personally like the idea of grade 10. It seems just right.

I rummaged through my closet and picked out light blue skinny jeans with a floral tank top and purple cardigan. Once putting on my clothes, I slipped on black flats, grabbed my bag and descended down the stairs. The smell of toast and fruit caught my attention, reeling me into the kitchen. My dad was already reading the paper at the kitchen table and my mother was cutting up more fruit, her back faced towards me. I took a seat across from my dad and took a plate with toast on it.

"So...first day of grade 10, are you excited?" My dad smiled as he looked towards me.

I couldn't stop the smile forming on my face. The butterflies started to flutter in my stomach at how close I was to going to school.

"Yeah, but I'm waiting for the nerves to kick in still," I said before taking a bite out of the toast.

My dad chucked softly before going back to reading the paper. My mom turned around and placed more fruit on the table, having my dad look at in disgust.

"Why would you make that?" His voiced held the same amount of disgust as his face.

I started to feel uneasy.

My mom scoffed, "obviously for breakfast."

My dad snorted.

"Do you always have to act like a child Randall?"

"Do you always have to be cranky?"

"Okay...I'm going to school now. I'll see you guys later, " I said as I bolted our of the kitchen and out of the house.

My parents bickering has been a daily thing ever since Darcy left for Kenya. It started out with small disagreements to picking at each other, but sometimes it's a heated argument. Those ones aren't too often though, thankfully. I was a little frustrated with my parents for acting this way. They didn't need to be like this, it's not making anyone happy.

"Clare!"

I turned around and smiled as my best friend,Alli, came prancing towards me. She smiled brightly as she gave me a hug.

"I've missed you so much! How was your summer?" she asked.

"Well, my summer consisted of reading, writing, and a few family dinners with my parents. What about you?"

She shrugged "Parents barely let me out of the house. I was stuck listening to Sav play the guitar." She rolled her eyes, making me giggle.

"At least school is starting!" I exclaimed.

"Clare I think you're the only person that is excited about that." Alli stated.

I frowned. I hope that's not true, school is fun, some people just don't understand what it holds and how it dictates your future. Even though Alli was gifted as well as I was, she intended to see more of school as a detention facility then a place to learn.

"Come on Alli, this year is going to be great! Just you watch."

"We'll see," she said unconvinced.

I playfully rolled my eyes before I noticed the huge sign of Degrassi up ahead. I beamed when I saw the familiar faces of students walking inside, and the cars shuffling in the school parking lot.

"Oh. My. God."

"She's actually here..."

"...Damn, she is still hot."

"Probably a complete slut too-"

"Who is?"

"Bianca DeSousa."

The name rung through my ears and curiosity buzzed through me from the muffled voices about this one person. I saw the crowd that was talking about the girl, their gazes looking towards something off in a distance.

Alli and I looked over in the direction and I noticed a beautiful girl with brown curly hair, walking towards the school. Her chocolate brown eyes pop out in an intriguing way. Her tight tank top and jeggings, had her figure more exposed then others. She walked in her high heeled pumps confidently, while she chewed bubble gum, oblivious to the gawking stares in her direction.

I watched in fascination as she trudged up the steps and entered the school. I noticed Alli was scowling in her direction, instantly making me confused. I was going to say something but Alli pulled me up the stairs and into the school, groaning in disgust.

.

.

I was in class, English to be exact. Lunch was just around the corner but I hardly noticed. I was so engulfed in Ms. Dawes' words. Her explanation on literature and poetry was really intriguing. English has always been my favourite subject but I have a feeling its going to be even better this year. I scrolled down the notes on in my notebook and almost didn't feel a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was welcomed with bright, green, eyes.

"Hey, I was wondering do you have an extra pencil I can borrow?" The deep voice coming from the green eyed boy made my skin shiver.

Before I could respond, the bell rung; signaling lunch. The boy with green eyes and dark, brown, hair got out of seat and left. Flustered, I quickly placed my books in my bags and left the classroom.

I found Alli by my locker and sighed in relief. I found my lunch in my locker and we headed our way to the cafeteria. The cafeteria was packed and frowned. When I eyes travelled on and unfortunate sight, my frown grew deeper. All i must have seen it too, since she scoffed.

"Oh look it's Mr. and Mrs. Sunshine." Alli said in a fake, cheery, voice.

"_Alli._"

"What, just because you're being a good person about this, doesn't mean I have to." She glared at the couple a few feet away.

My ex-boyfriend K.C. was always the typical boyfriend. He was sweet, caring, and a good person. He was perfect. I liked him so much and I was sure he liked me, until the next best thing came along. Jenna Middleton. Blonde, cheerleader, perky. She was everything I _wasn't_. He left me and hurt me, but I'm over it. Though it still makes a little bitter when I see them together and they look so happy, like right now.

"It's okay, we'll just keep looking around. Just ignore them."I said.

I looked all through out the cafeteria and noticed that same girl I saw earlier. What was her name, Briana...Bianca! She was sitting at the round table across the room, in between two boys. One was vaguely familiar to me, Fitz I think his name was. He used to hang out with Johnny DiMarco. The other boy, I did not recognize. He was pretty buff and looked really intimidating. I wondered how she met boys so fast at this school.

"Hey Clare!"

I internally groaned when I heard K.C.'s voice. I turned my direction to him and he walked up to me, a smile on his face. I looked at Jenna, still sitting at the table, sneering at Alli and I. I averted my eyes back to K.C.'s.

"Yes, K.C.?" I said, not even trying to hide the irritation in my voice.

"How was your summer?" He said shyly.

I was getting annoyed and all I wanted to do was sit down with Alli and enjoy my lunch, plus people were starting looking our direction, which was slightly making me uncomfortable.

"Good." I replied stiffly. "Now if you'll excuse us..." I turned away with Alli but he caught my arm-rather roughly-and yanked me back.I glared at him and his face contorted in to one of his fits. "Don't _touch_ me."

"What's your problem? Can't you just forget about the past? Just move on already. You were always such a _prude_." He rolled his eyes.

I felt anger boil inside me and before I could stop myself, I pulled my hand up and slapped K.C. right across the face. The cafeteria went silent and K.C. held his face in shock. I never felt so good in my life, I felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

"God, Clare-bear, you are such a _twat_!" I looked over to Jenna's fuming face.

I noticed behind her,Bianca was staring at me with-what seemed like-impressiveness in her eyes. Her delicate hand was under her chin as she waited for my response. I looked back at Jenna and smiled.

"At least I'm not a boyfriend-stealing _skank_, who is too insecure to find her own man. Enjoy my sloppy seconds." Jenna's eyes bulged out and her mouth parted in an over-dramatic gasp.

I notice Bianca smile in improvement and I looped my arm through Alli's and we left the cafeteria.

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><p><strong>So what does everyone think? Let me know.:)<strong>


	2. Judgmental

**Well I was really surprised by the reactions I received from this story, your feedback means the world to me:) Thank you! Now here is the next chapter, I hope you guys enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>Jugdmental<p>

.**  
><strong>

The late night arguing from my parents kept me awake most of the night, which resulted me waking up late. The house was silent, except for the sound of me rushing through the house; getting ready for school. My parents probably left work. They only stay home on my first day of school before they bury themselves with their jobs. Nothing new to me. It was something I've grown used to but I was going to be late for school because of them and it was only the second day.

I rushed out of the house and power walked the rest of the way. My heart started to race when I realized the outside of the school was empty. I suddenly felt uneasy to go to class. I hated going in late, it was unpunctual and rude. I checked my watch and noticed it was 9:00. Second period just started but I just couldn't bring myself to move.

My thoughts dissolved when the heavy stench of tobacco floated though the air. I could see the smoke going past me; destroying the fresh air. I coughed a few times and followed where it was coming from. I was lead to the corner on the side of the school, with Bianca DeSousa leaned against the wall, bringing the cigarette to her lips, inhaling it deeply.

She turned her head in my direction and blew out the smoke, releasing it right in my face. I coughed a few more times, my lungs burning from the awful fumes.

"What are you looking at?" She said in a snarky tone.

I clasped my hands together and nervously avoided her gaze. "Sorry…I-I was just…."

Her sigh cut me off and I looked into her soft brown eyes. "No, I'm sorry. Rough morning."

I nodded my head in understanding and didn't know why I was still here. I should go to class but the twisting feeling I receive from the thought stalls me. Bianca looks away and non-chalantly takes another drag from her cigarette. I was surprised that I haven't scolded or ran away from the repulsive action but I only stood where I was.

"So do you have a class right now?" I asked.

Bianca shrugged. "Only History." She turned her head to me. "What about you?"

"Well, I was running late and I should be in Biology right now but I really don't want to walk in late." I explained.

"Why don't you skip?"

I looked at her dumb-founded. _Skip?_ I wouldn't skip because it's against school rules and if my parents found out they would be very disappointed in me-not like they would notice.

"I don't know…." I spoke wearily.

Bianca flicked her cigarette to the ground before walking past me. "Well I don't want to deal with this bull shit right now," she said and looked back at me. "You're welcomed to join me."

I thought about it for a moment and when I looked at her retreating figure, I found myself running to catch up with her.

The walk was silent and I couldn't help but wonder why I was here? Why was I with her-skipping school? I was starting to regret coming and was about to turn around when I realized where she took us.

_The ravine._

I thoroughly remember Alli and I coming here last year when she wanted to fit in with Johnny and his friends. I also remember her telling me this is where she lost her virginity. The lost and sad look on her face broke my heart. I felt like a horrible friend when she was too afraid to tell me. I admit I was judgmental in the past but I would never do that to Alli.

"You've been here before?" asked Bianca, snapping me from my thoughts.

"Once." I said, taking a seat beside her on top of a picnic bench.

I suddenly remembered that I haven't introduced myself. "Sorry for not introducing myself. My name is-"

"Clare Edwards." Bianca finished, having me giving her a confused look.

"How did you…."

She dropped her bag on the spot beside her and placed her hands behind her on the table. "I've heard things about you. Little goody two-shoes, saint-Clare, sister of power squad legend."

I had no idea that people knew me that well. Yes, those things were true-well I wouldn't exactly call myself a 'goody two-shoes' but I was nice to everyone. But I don't know how Bianca-who I've never talked to before until this morning-would know this much information on me.

"Well, I-I guess that describes me, but there are more things to me then my saintly personality." I said.

"Trust me, if I would've believed what I heard, you wouldn't be here with me right now," she said looking straight ahead.

"Oh….." I tried to hide the hurt that traced in my voice.

As if Bianca sensed it, she immediately looked at me shaking her head. "It's not because of you. Its just, you wouldn't be here with a slut like me if you were the so-called goody two-shoes that everyone says."

My eyes widened by what she called herself. She seemed so non-chalant about it, as if it was nothing new.

"Why would you say that about yourself?" I said.

Bianca chuckled. "Clare, its not exactly recent news. You have heard the rumours, haven't you?" She looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Well…you-you see…."

Bianca's laugh cut me off. "It's okay, the rumours are mostly true."

My eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really?"

Bianca nodded. "Yeah, I've done things. I smoke, drink, get high and do some stuff with guys, but I never go with guys that already have a girlfriend. Too much shit to deal with."

I didn't know what to say. I should probably walk away and tell her to get help or be disgusted by her-well I felt a little weird out by it-but how she's so honest and indifferent about it, it makes me more interested.

"Well, I can't necessarily say I've done those kind of things….but you are right about the girlfriend-boyfriend scenario, it is too much drama." I couldn't stop the slight bitterness to my tone at the end of the sentence.

"I'm guessing this has to do with yesterday, with Barbie and Justin Bieber?"

I laughed. "Yeah, well lets just say, Bieber was my boyfriend and then Barbie stole him away."

Bianca's eyes softened. "Remember this Clare, no guy is worth it if he leaves you for someone else. It'll be only a matter of time before he leaves her for some other girl."

I smiled softly. "You're probably right. Thanks."

She smiled before looking forward again, the light wind blowing her curls away. I kept thinking of all the thing she said about her self and couldn't help but wanting to know why.

"Why do you do…._those_….things?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

"Everyone always worries about living orderly. Always worrying and stressing over being morally perfect. I say who cares. Life is too short to even worry about those things and I'm not going to let people judge how I live and what I do. I like to have fun, and that's what I do."

Bianca's ethics would be considered ridiculous in an outsiders eye, but I strangely find her words and morals, admiring.

"You know, I understand what you are saying. People nowadays-including myself-don't realize that all the judgements and stress is not worth it. Life isn't supposed to be awful."

Bianca smirked in approval. "Finally, someone who understands."

We talked more afterwards. I didn't realize until I looked at my watch that school was over and my parents would be home soon.

"I have to get going before my parents get home." I said jumping off the bench. "Not like they'd notice anyways." I muttered bleakly.

Bianca hopped off the picnic bench and grabbed her bag. "There's a party here tonight. If you want to escape your parents problems, then find me. It starts at 10:00."

She walked past me and I watched as she walked out through the fence gate.

.

.

I laid in bed and twiddled my fingers as I listened to my parents argue below. They barely acknowledged me once they entered the door. It's as if they strictly only came home just to claw down each others throats. It was sad in a way that I was starting to grow used to these daily fights, but I wasn't too worried. My parents loved each other and been together far too long for them to separate or divorce. It's only a matter of time before they realize how inconsiderate they're being and they'll kiss and make up. It will happen. Really, it will.

In a distinct thought, Bianca's request has been surfacing through my mind since my parents came home. It sounded dangerous but also very intriguing. But I could hear Alli's voice at the back of my mind at this moment, she would not approve. She even sent over 30 texts as to where I was today. I didn't bother in to replying to her because in honesty, she would harass me about my whereabouts and I just couldn't deal with that right now.

If I go tonight, to the ravine, and if Alli finds out, she will be angry, especially if I'm with Bianca. Yesterday after the lunch incident with K.C., Alli made it pretty clear to not associate with Bianca. Alli's description of Bianca made me upset because in reality, she didn't even know Bianca and she was coming off as judgmental and a little hypocritical.

I sighed and turned on my side.

_Still debating. Still debating._

"**_No wonder Clare always stays in her room! You always start this!_**"

I flinched at my fathers voice.

"_**Don't you dare bring Clare into this!**_"

I bite back the tears that threaten to escape and jump out the bed. I grab a sweater from my closet and open my window before climbing out on the side of the house and using the tree beside my window to climb down.

I checked my watch. It was 10:02. The cool, dark, night giving me the chills as I walk down the deserted sidewalk.

_I hope I don't regret this._

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><p><strong>A slight note: I know Bianca cheated with Drew on the show, but I just thought it fits well in this story if I made her different.<br>**

**I hope you guys still like it.**_  
><em>


	3. Thrill

**Sorry for the late update, but I wanted to wait until I finished school to update again, so here it is! Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm glad you guys are liking the story**. **:)**

**Plus, I've notice I've been getting questions in regards to Eli, well to answer your questions, Eli is going to a big part in this story. And I mean, important, not just as Clare's love interest.**

**Though its mostly revolved around the Clare and Bianca friendship:)**

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter:D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>Thrill<p>

**.  
><strong>

Anticipation and adrenaline rushed through me as I walked down the deserted street through the cool, dark, night. My heart was hammering against my chest, making me realize what I just convinced myself to do. Surely, this was completely ridiculous and reckless but I just can't stand another moment listening to my parents arguing. I felt my mood dim at the thought of them and immediately pushed them to the back of my mind.

The familiar fence came into view and I could hear faint music echoing through the night. I walked in through the fence and was welcomed with a group of teenagers surrounded by a fire. The music was louder now that I was closer and I could smell the stench of alcohol polluting the air. I carefully walked over the grass and made sure not to step on broken branches as I took in the surrounding.

The infamous van was parked on the far side of the place and ripped out couches were sprawled on either side of the fire. Teenagers draped over them, making out and groping one another, while others were intoxicated and dancing to the music. Through the heavy smell of alcohol and perspiration, I could smell marijuana trying to fade out any other smell. I mentally puked as I tried to search for Bianca.

I ignored the weird stares as I walked closer towards the centre. When I finally spotted Bianca, my eyes bulged at the sight. She was sitting on that guy's( Fitz)lap and was basically sucking his face off. His hands were underneath her top as he eagerly returned the kiss. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and out of place and turned to leave but collided with a hard chest, sending me flying backwards but not quite falling to the ground.

"Sorry there gorgeous, didn't mean to scare you," apologized a deep, intimidating, voice.

I quickly found my balance and looked up to see the other guy I saw Bianca sitting with at lunch yesterday. His posture was as equally intimating as his voice, which made me unconsciously take a step back. He noticed this and took a menacing step towards me, towering over my short figure.

"It's fine," I squeaked. "I was just about to leave anyways."

"Why? You lost," he said, a taunting smile etched on his face.

I swallowed, "N-no, I was supposed to meet up with Bianca."

The guy looked over my shoulder and a deep chuckle escaped from his lips, making me shudder.

"Bee's a little busy at the moment. But I can keep you entertained, my name's Owen by the way, what's your's cutie?"

"Clare!"

The both of us turned around towards the source and saw a drunkenly Bianca stumbling her way over to us, with Fitz trailing behind. She had a wide smile on her face as she stopped in front of us, while Fitz looked annoyed and irritated.

"I can't believe you made it, thought you'd chicken out," she lightly punched my arm and I smiled nervously in response.

"Bee, come on, let's finished what we started…." Fitz murmured seductively as he stood behind her and placed his hands on her hips.

Bianca swatted his hands away and he groaned while flashing a glare in my direction, making me gulp. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and I stiffened when I realized whom it was.

"Its okay Bee, Clare and I were just about to get acquainted with each other." Owen's deep voice sent a warm, violent, sensation through my blood stream.

I shot a panicked look towards Bianca but she was staring at Owen, her arms crossed and an annoyed look on her face. "You think I'm fucking stupid? I know Clare wouldn't go for an idiot like you, so you can go fantasize somewhere else." Bianca swatted Owen's arm off of me before swinging her own arm over my shoulder. "Besides, _I'm _the one that's supposed to hang out with Clare."

She dragged us away and brought us over to a few chairs that were lunged around the fire. She took a seat beside mine and opened the cooler that was located between us. She held out a can of beer towards me and I nervously took it.

"Umm….I've never drank alcohol before," I said shyly as I analyzed the can in my hands.

Bianca giggled and I looked over to her. "That's not exactly hard to believe." She brought the can to her lips and drank from it mercilessly.

"I don't know if I should," I said.

"What's the matter, too good to drink Edwards?" she teased, smiling.

I knew Bianca was only kidding but in the back of my mind, I knew she was really testing to see if I would freak out and decline the offer. I was never one to give into peer pressure but I did want to prove to both Bianca and myself that I could take risks.

So I snapped the can open and took in a deep breath before bringing the can to my lips. The liquid burned down my throat and I found myself coughing violently from the horrific taste.

"Don't worry, its get's better after a while," Bianca said once the coughing died down.

I nodded before taking another sip and twisting my face in disgust. Bianca only laughed and sat back in her seat, bringing the can back to her mouth.

After I finished my first drink, Bianca was already on her third, but I didn't know how much she drank before I came because she was already wasted when I first showed up. I was feeling a little tipsy as Bianca and I decided to dance. The night turned out to be better then I expected. It was fun just letting loose and not worrying about the outside world for once.

It was around two in the morning when we were walking down the sidewalk towards my house. Bianca was still drunk and holding on to me while I felt alive and thrilled.

"So, did you have fun tonight?" Bianca slurred as we crossed the road.

I smiled, "Yeah, it was pretty fun, thanks for inviting me."

"Anytime, you're a pretty cool gal Edwards."

I blushed and we stopped in front of my house. I frowned when I realized Bianca would have to walk home by herself.

"Hey, do you want to stay the night?" I asked.

"Nah, my mom will probably bitch if I don't get home in time, or slap me," she said, nonchalantly.

I raised my eyebrows when I noticed she wasn't smiling. "Are you serious? Why would she do that?"

Bianca shrugged, "I guess she doesn't like the fact that her daughter is a slut and parties all night, like _she's _any better."

I tugged on her arm gently, "come on, you can stay the night here. It would be fine with my parents."

Bianca's eyes turned dull and she pulled away from my grasp. "You going to feel pity for me now?" She clumsily pointed a finger at my face.

I shook my head rapidly, "no, of course not, its just you're not really sober at the moment and I don't think it's safe for you to be walking home alone this late at night or this early in the morning."

Bianca scoffed, "whatever, I'm going home."

She walked down the streets and I stood there, just realizing what I have done.

.

.

I was on my way to English, the day dragging slowly and feeling unnecessary. My parents didn't find out about last night(_shocker_)but I didn't put much thought to them. I was still thinking about Bianca and what I said last night. I didn't mean to offend her, not in the slightest, but I think she was mad. Her figure disappearing in the night still brings chills to my spine. Did she make it home? Was she okay? I haven't seen her at all this morning but if I was correct, she would be in History right now.

In first period, I half listened to Alli scold at me for my absence yesterday while the rest of my mind was absorbed in my thoughts from last night. I didn't tell her about the party because I knew she wouldn't understand. Just like no one would understand, because I didn't even understand. It just felt like a magnetic pull brought me to that party and I wasn't disappointed with the results, but I don't think Bianca wants to see me anytime soon.

When I entered the classroom, I was relived to not see Ms. Dawes there at the moment. I discreetly slid in my seat and took out my binder and pencil.

"And why exactly did you skip class yesterday?"

I froze from the deep voice that echoed from behind. I turned around and was welcomed by the same dark haired, green-eyed boy that asked me for a pencil the other day. I didn't realize until now how gorgeous he was. His black, smooth, hair fell loosely over his for head, his full, pink, lips were slanted in a lopsided smirk and his emerald orbs were twinkling with amusement.

I blinked before shaking my head a little. "Excuse me?"

"I said, why did you skip class yesterday?" His voice sounded smug.

My lips parted as I tried to find the right words to say. "How did you know I skipped?"

"I didn't," he said, amused. "But you just admitted that you did."

_Jerk._ "So now what are you going to do, tell the principal on me?" I asked sardonically.

He chuckled, "Don't worry Edwards, I'm not one for snitching."

I kept a neutral expression on the outside but I was relieved on the inside. If he did tell the principal, I don't think I could handle my parents arguing even more, especially over me….

"Wait," I said, realization dawning on me. "You called me Edwards, how did you know my name?"

"Well, you _were _away yesterday and also you're my English partner." He leaned back in his seat.

My eyes widened and I sighed heavily. "Great, this will be fun," I muttered sarcastically.

"I love your enthusiasm." I could hear the cockiness in his voice, making me roll my eyes.

I turned back around to the front of the class and Ms. Dawes shortly came in, a lesson already coming out of her mouth. Through the rest of the period, I thought of how I would have to deal with this guy for a whole semester and how its not going to be fun. He was really annoying and very sarcastic. Well, its not like I could've picked my partner, since it was my fault that I wasn't here yesterday.

_**RIIIING RIIIING**_

Everyone gathered their things and made their way out of the classroom for lunch. When I was about to walk through the doorway, I didn't notice someone beside me and ended up going through the door the same time as _him._

He smirked and went out first, leaving me glaring after him as he walked down the halls. I took another route to my locker to avoid the sea of students and noticed Bianca walking in front of me.

"Bianca!"

She turned around and stopped as I walked over to her.

"Listen, I'm sorry about what I said last night and I didn't mean to offend you at all. I was just worried about you walking that late at night by yourself and it had nothing to do with your mom. And you were really fun to hang out with and I would like to again sometime but that's only if you want to," I said in one breath.

Bianca had her arms crossed over her chest and she raised her eyebrows. "You done?"

I nodded, confusion on my face.

She smiled, "good, give me your cell phone."

I took out my phone and placed it in her hand and I watched as she dialled rapidly before smiling and giving me back my phone.

"Now you have my number. Call sometime, we can go shopping," she said, smiling before walking down the hall.

I smiled wide and once she was out of sight, I found myself jumping in the air in excitement. _She's not mad at me_. I was so lost in my little bubble that I didn't realize Alli call my name.

"_Clare,_" she said, finally bringing me back to reality.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay, you look like you just won the lottery." She raised an eyebrow at me, suspiciously.

I laughed and walked over to her, looping my arm through hers. "Of course I'm fine! Let's go to lunch."

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><p><strong>Now how was this chapter? Let me know:)<strong>


	4. Uncomfortable

**Hello! Thank you, for the reviews! I'm so glad people are liking this story. Its one of my favourites that I like to write! Enjoy the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>Uncomfortable<p>

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I stared at the electronic device in my hands as I bit my lip. Its been a week since Bianca's given me her number, and I haven't talked to her since. I didn't want to pester her by calling right away but I was in need to hang out with her again. There was something about her presence that made me want to always be around her. She was fun and energetic but she had a sassy attitude that gave her confidence, which I found highly respecting. Though, I was still nervous that she would reject my company.

With a whiff of confidence, I pressed on her name in my contacts and brought the phone to my ear, clenching my eyes shut as my heart started to pound heavily.

"_Hello?_"

No turning back Clare.

"Hey, Bianca? It's Clare."

"_Ah, Edwards, I was waiting for your call, you finally decided to step over to the dark side._"

We both laughed at her joke but in the back of my mind, this is exactly what it felt like; I was entering a different place, far from my old one and I couldn't help the anticipation bubbling up my throat.

"Yeah, I was wondering, since you asked last week about shopping, would you want to go to the mall?"

"_The mall is not really my scene, but we could walk down town. There's a lot of stores down there that we could shop in. How does that sound?_"

I nodded my head eagerly but realized she couldn't see the gesture.

"Yeah, sure. How does tomorrow sound, after school?"

"_Sounds good, see ya tomorrow._"

We hung up after I said goodbye and I fell down on my bed, my back coming in contact with my comforter. I grabbed a pillow and clutched it to my chest tightly, smiling wide. This should be fun, and I really needed fun at the moment, especially with school taking in its toll with routinely homework each night. Also my parents arguing has been growing louder and frequent each day. I haven't talked to anyone about it, because there wasn't anyone to talk about it with. Alli has been drifting away, her mind fogged with the need to join the power squad and become popular. I rolled my eyes at the thought, I mean I love Alli but she's always self absorbed and never listens to anyone's problems unless it involved her.

I sighed and rolled over on my stomach and started to think about tomorrow until I heard my mothers voice: "Clare, can you come down here please!"

I let go of my pillow and trudged down the stairs after leaving my room. My mom was cutting up some vegetables as I entered the archway of the kitchen. My dad was nowhere in sight.

"Yeah mom," I said, and my mother jumped before turning around to acknowledge me.

I frowned as I noticed how distressed she looked. I knew that the arguing was affecting her just as much as it was for me and I wanted to hug her and tell her everything will be okay, even though everything was far from being okay.

"Hey, sweetie, I just wanted to let you know that your father is going on a business trip tomorrow and won't be back until Sunday evening."

I nodded. "Okay."

My mother plastered a fake smile on her face before shakily picking up the knife and returning to her cutting. I looked at her posture: It was stiff and her eyes held sadness as she hastily cut up the remaining vegetables. Realization then dawned on me and I felt my insides recoil then tighten. I walked across the kitchen and hugged her on the side. I rested my head on her shoulder as I felt her hands wrap around my one arm that was sprawled over her chest.

"You know I love you, right, Clare?" my mom sniffled quietly.

"Yes, I do."

I closed my eyes and held onto her, preventing her from falling apart.

.

.

Bianca and I were walking down town, many stores on each side of the street. We were side by side, a comfortable silence over us. But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking of my mom. It still bothered me that she kept a strong head and ignored what was right in front of her face, but she was only trying to protect the family, because I knew she wanted to make it work.

"Is something up with you?" Bianca said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I mean, you've been silent since we left the school and you keep zoning out." She flipped her hair over shoulder.

"Sorry, its nothing," I said, fidgety.

"Don't lie to me, is it your parents again?" she said, cautiously.

I sighed. "That obvious," I muttered miserably.

"Kind of, but don't worry about them right now, lets have fun," she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me in a random store.

I was surprised by her sudden enthusiasm, but smiled anyways. The store we went to had an eccentric feel to it, clothes were strewn on hangers on the side of walls, different colours illuminated from the ceiling and music blasted through speakers. My parents were slowly vanishing from my mind when we tried on different things, including funky hats, ridiculous scarves, and huge bracelets. We laughed each time we looked in the mirror before changing into a different thing. After, we found ourselves in front of many lighters, much to my dismay, but Bianca wanted a new one.

"Ooooh, look at this one," Bianca said, picking up one that lights up.

I shook my head and laughed. "It lights up! I think I just saw everything in the world," I said sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes playfully before flicking it on, the flame coming out. She nodded in approval and un flicked it before pocketing it in her jeans.

My eyes widened and I stood frozen. "What are you doing?" I asked shrilly, not believing she was doing this.

Bianca raised her hand to her lips; shushing me, before shrugging nonchalantly. I still looked at her, my jaw dropped and a churning feeling at the bottom of my stomach.

"It's not a big deal, Edwards. Calm down before someone suspects anything," she warned softly.

She went to a rack of clothing and casually looked through the array of clothing. I slowly walked over to her; bile starting to rise in my throat at what she just did. I pretended to look through the clothes as well, until I saw Bianca look around inconspicuously before placing a top inside my bag.

My eyes flickered to hers in alarm, but she only raised her eyebrows. I looked away and bit my lip, the churn in my stomach twisting violently. Bianca causally walked over to the door, and I followed behind, feeling like all eyes were on me, when in reality, a couple people were in here and they were occupied trying things on. I let out a breath of air once we went outside, but I still felt uneasy.

Bianca leaned against a telephone pole and smirked. "Nice job, Edwards."

"I didn't do anything. You were the one that stuffed the item in my bag," I said, a hint of coldness in my tone.

"Stop complaining, I only do it when I'm broke," she said as if that explained everything.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "You promise," I said.

"Yes," she said, pulling out a cigarette and her "new" lighter.

She lit the cigarette and inhaled, before releasing the smoke. I still felt uncomfortable about what she did but I didn't want to ruin the rest of my day. We stood for a few moments. I looked around, seeing different people pass by us while I tapped my fingers repeatedly on my legs.

"Hmm, what do we have here?" Bianca said in a flirty tone.

I tilted my head and looked to the right and saw down the street, the guy she was eyeing. He was in front of a store with a couple other guys. He had black, spiky, hair and was average built. I remember seeing him around school. Dew Torrez. The jock of the school, and Alli's new crush. The day I skipped school, Alli gushed about how he and her were meant to be and I merely asked her if she ever even talked to him. She ignored my question before gushing about him more.

The other two guys near him looked familiar too, one had his back towards me but he was wearing a beanie and baggy clothes. I'm trying to remember who've I've seen him with before, but I couldn't place it. Until, the boy in the beanie stepped aside and gave view of the third person with him. I mentally scowled and recognition dawned on me when I saw Eli standing with them. Adam! That was the name of the boy in the beanie. He hung out with _Eli._

"Ugh," I thought out loud, glaring at the boy down the street.

"What?" Bianca said.

"That guy in black," I responded, still staring at him. "He's my English partner and he is so _annoying._ He's always sarcastic and smug. He thinks he's so cool when he's just so…._ugh_!" I clenched my fists in frustration.

"So, how long have you been into him," Bianca quipped, amusement in her voice.

I snapped my head in her direction. "What?" I asked in disbelief. "No, no, no, I do _not _like him. He's a jerk."

Bianca chuckled before flickering her cigarette on the road. "Right," she said sarcastically before walking in the boys direction.

I followed after her and grabbed her arm. "What are you doing?"

She smiled. "We're just going to say hi to the boys," she winked.

I tired to protest but she dragged me along anyway. When we were a few feet away, I watched as Bianca sauntered her way over to Drew, with a seductive sway.

"Hey boys," she said, but was only addressing the statement to Drew.

Drew looked at Bianca, and he suddenly looked nervous. "H-hey Bianca," he smiled.

She walked closer to him and gave him the most flirtatious smile I've ever seen. I stood behind, a little uncomfortable and averted my eyes over and landed on Eli. He smirked before walking over to me.

"Edwards, didn't expect to see you here, thought you'd be somewhere more cliché, like the mall, I suppose?" he said in that smug voice that always irked me.

I scoffed. "Its not very nice to judge people by their appearance. But by the looks of you, I suppose that you've had that problem many times," I gritted through my teeth.

"Ouch!" he said, clutching his heart in mock hurt.

I rolled my eyes before looking back at Bianca. It looked like she was working her charm, since her and Drew were smiling and were pretty close to each other.

"Dude, we've lost Drew," said Adam, turning to face us.

Adam saw me and gave a wave. I smiled in return but wanted to scold Bianca for doing this.

"Well, Clare, it looks like you lost your friend too," Eli said amusedly.

"No, I didn't. She just likes to talk to new people," I said, even though it was a lie. "Anyways, what brings _you _down here? Is there some store that sells black nail polish that caught your interest?"

"Look who's judgemental now," Eli joked. "Nah, Adam and I came to the comic book store. Drew tagged along because he was bored."

I giggled. "You two like comic books?"

"Hey, comic books are the best, don't hate," Eli feigned defensiveness.

"I agree, _The Chinatown Saga _is one of the best," Adam said.

I laughed at their comments and they soon joined in. My eyes drifted over to Bianca and she smiled knowingly at me and I realized what she was doing. I walked over to her and grabbed her arm.

"I'm sorry Drew, but Bianca and I need to leave," I said, pulling her away. "Bye, Eli and Adam."

I turned around and started walking down the other direction, dragging Bianca with me.

"What was that for, we were just starting to have fun," she said, walking beside me.

"Correction," I said. "You were having fun, I was stuck waiting for you."

"Oh, come on Clare, I knew you liked talking to Eli. And by the looks of it, he enjoyed it too," she said in an obvious tone.

"Don't be silly, Eli is always like that."

"I saw the way he looked at you, Clare. That was the reason I brought us to see them. Well, that and I got to introduce myself to Drew. He's hot," she said.

"Uhh…sure, but you are wrong about Eli. He just likes to get under my skin."

We stopped at a bench and sat down. Bianca laughed and took out her phone.

"He probably would like to do _other _things to you then just crawl under your skin," she said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

I gasped and slapped her arm. "Bianca!" I squealed.

She bumped my shoulder and laughed, "It's probably true, Edwards."

I felt the blush creeping on my cheeks as she put her phone to her ear. I tried to ignore Bianca's conversation on the phone as it took to a distressed tone. I could imagine it was her mother, and I suddenly felt like I was intruding.

"….Fine-yeah, whatever," Bianca said, closing her phone shut.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

Bianca turned to me and nodded. "Remember that night when I was wasted and you offered to let me stay the night?"

I nodded.

She looked down at her hands and I raised an eyebrow. Bianca has never come off as nervous towards me or anyone else for that matter before.

"Can I stay over tonight? Just tonight, I promise I'll be out of there tomorrow," she said quickly.

"Of course, you can. Its better then being by myself tonight," I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Bianca smiled in relief and we stood up. I held out my arm and she looped hers through mine, and we walked down the streets in the direction towards my house.


	5. Alive

**I apologize for the late update, but here it is! Thank you for the reviews and I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>Alive<p>

.

Bianca aimlessly looked around my living room as I walked in the kitchen, turning the light on. My mom wasn't home but I expected her to come back later. I walked to the fridge to get a drink but a note on the counter caught my attention. I picked up the piece of paper and read the script:

_I will be back tomorrow evening. I'm staying at a friends place; I couldn't be home at the moment. There is plenty of food in the fridge and I left some money on the counter beside the fruit. Call me if you need anything._

_-Love Mom_

I scrunched up the note and threw it in the trash. I took the money and stuffed it in my pocket before returning in the living room. Bianca looked a little hesitant before plopping herself on the couch.

"We have the house to ourselves," she said it more as a statement then a question.

"Yep," I nodded as I took a seat next to her. "And, my mom left us money. So I say, we order pizza, watch TV and just stay in for the night."

I waited for Bianca to protest as I saw her purse her lips. But a grin replaced it and she leaned back on the couch.

"Sounds good to me. But I don't have any pyjamas," she said.

"I have some - lets go to my room."

We went up the stairs and I suddenly felt nervous about the fact that Bianca was going to see _my_ room. I mean, it wasn't painted in pink with stuffed animals draped over my bed, but I don't think it was exactly Bianca's "taste".

I went to my closet after I opened the door, avoiding Bianca's analyzing. I grabbed a pair of blue pyjama pants and a white tank top for myself while I tried to find something suitable for Bianca. She was taller and thinner them me so, I looked for my pyjama pants that were too long for me and found a top that was too snug for my chest.

"I think this will fit you," I gave her the clothes as she looked at the picture frame on my dresser.

"Who's that?" she pointed to the picture curiously as she took the clothing.

"My sister…" I trailed off, not really wanting to talk about her.

Bianca seemed to take the hint, since she shrugged and pulled off her top, making me gawk in shock. No one, I knew, has ever been this opened about their body before. It was a different setting then Alli and I changing in different rooms. I guess it couldn't hurt if I tried it as well. But before Bianca pulled on my top, my eyes were staring at the pink and sliver piece of jewellery placed in her navel.

_Navel piercing._

I have seen one before, but not this close and as weird as this may seemed, I liked the piercing on her. It fit well. I looked away before she noticed I was staring and quickly changed.

"How do the clothes fit?" I asked as I placed my clothes in the hamper.

"They'll do. Thanks."

I smiled faintly before we went back downstairs.

We ordered pizza after that and watched movies all night. First horror, then romance, then comedy. It was really fun. We would talk between the movies about anything and everything. We would laugh when a funny part displayed on the screen or scream when someone was killed. I never would've expected Bianca DeSousa to be at my house, having a girls night with _me._

It was surreal.

Bianca was able to make me do a lot of different things. Things that I could never imagine myself doing or too afraid to try to. She took my mind away from stressful and chaotic things and brought me to happy and fun things. It was what I needed at the moment. My parents were still in the back of my mind but I was able to push those thoughts away when I was with her. Although, some things I didn't approve that she did, I was able to look over towards the good things about her.

Which was fine with me.

"Okay, I say we call it a night," I said, turning off the TV and picking up the pizza box.

I looked at the bright numbers of the clock on the TV and saw it was 12:00 am. I wasn't used to staying up this late but I wasn't the slightest bit tired.

"Why am I not surprised that you go to bed at this time?" Bianca chuckled as she ascended up the stairs.

I smiled and followed after turning off the lights. Bianca was already in my room and I went to pull the covers down.

"You can sleep in my sisters bedroom if you like," I slid in the bed and Bianca slid in beside me.

"Is it okay if I sleep with you?" Bianca asked in a voice I've never heard before. It sounded vulnerable and quiet, as if it was a little girl speaking to me. It kind of freaked me out, especially since it was so dark in my room, except for the moon shining through my window.

"Sure," I whispered. I turned over on my side as I suddenly felt sleep take me over. "Goodnight, Bianca."

"Goodnight, Clare."

.

.

I could hear stirring and patting of feet. It was probably my dream but each passing minute, the noises became louder and I found my self awake. My eyes were still droopy and I was beyond tired but I couldn't sleep with those noises. My limbs were stiff as I haphazardly sat up and squinted my eyes as I saw Bianca out of bed, changing clothes.

"Bianca?" I asked in disbelief, sleep evident in my voice. "What are you doing?"

Bianca looked at me as if she was caught. "I didn't want to wake you. I'm going out for a bit."

I scrunched my eyebrows together and pulled the covers back before walking over to my window. Of course, Fitz was outside with a cigarette in his hand.

"Well, I'm going with you," I said before stumbling to my closet.

"Oh, no you don't. you're staying right here," Bianca said pulling on my arm.

"Look Bianca, its," I looked at my clock on my nightstand. "3:00 in the morning. I'm not letting you go out by yourself even if you have Fitz with you. We stick together."

Bianca's expression became unreadable and I raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed and released me.

"Okay, but I can't promise you things will be rated G," she said in defeat.

"Didn't expect it to," I said pulling on a pair of track pants and a hoodie.

We went down the stairs and I grabbed my key before heading out the door.

"What's Saint Clare doing here?" Fitz sneered as he took in my appearance.

I crossed my arms and shot him a dirty look. Bianca punched his shoulder and he dropped his cigarette as he groaned in pain.

"Don't call her that. You're lucky she's with us," Bianca snapped as she walked down the street.

I felt a small smile spread on my face at the thought of Bianca defending me. Maybe she thought of me as a friend? I would assume so… But it was still a little too surreal.

We all walked quietly until we reached a park with a huge opened field. Bianca walked over to a bench where intimidating guys were sitting on. I clutched onto myself as I walked behind Bianca and Fitz, fear plummeting my stomach.

"Ron-Ron, you want to get high," Bianca said bluntly as she stopped in front of a guy wearing a brown sweatshirt with the hood over his head.

I looked at Bianca in alarm but she didn't pay attention to me. Ron-Ron looked at Bianca before fixating his gaze on Fitz, then me. His eyes lingered on mine for a few moments and I almost gulped by how cold his eyes looked. I almost let a sigh of relief when he looked back at Bianca.

"You got the goods," he asked in a gruff voice.

Bianca took something out of her pocket and gave him - what looked like - mushrooms. _How did Bianca fit all of that in her pocket?_

"Only the best. Now pay up," she held her hand out in a confident manner, as if she wasn't intimated at all by the guys surrounding us.

The guy gave her the money without hesitation and opened the baggy and held gave some to his friends. Bianca stuffed the money in her top before taking out something else. She handed it to me and I eyed it in shock.

_Marijuana._

"Pay me back when we get home," she winked.

I looked at the guys and they all stared at me, amusement on some of their faces, and one familiar face stuck out: Owen. He was smiling at me as he raised his eyebrows suggestively. I shakily took the marijuana from her hands and held it up to my lips.

I couldn't just leave.

.

.

"WOOOO, WHOOOO!" hollered Fitz as he jumped off the bench and grabbed Bianca at the waist.

Bianca giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a sloppy kiss. I laughed as the two of them fell to the ground with their lips still attached. Everything was spinning and I couldn't stop laughing. My whole body was tingling as I stumbled through the grass.

"You guys," I replied loudly, my voice sounding far away from my mouth. "PDA is _not _allowed. Public indecency is frowned upon." I wagged a finger in their direction but burst out laughing as they ignored me.

I fell to the ground and looked up at the stars as my body still tingled. I felt a body lay beside me and I turned to see Owen grinning ear to ear as he stroked my arm.

"Having fun?" he asked.

I nodded and tried to control the giggle that wanted to escape. "Bianca! The world is spinning!"

Bianca pulled away from Fitz and smiled. "I know! Isn't amazing?"

I felt Owen try to lean in to kiss me but I pushed my hand on his chest as I laughed louder. I stood up and ran to the field, feeling the wind fly through my curls. Bianca came towards me but she almost fell and I held onto her as we both laughed in a haze. I suddenly felt water sprinkle at my legs and I squealed. Bianca must of felt it too because she jumped and held onto me.

I looked around and was welcomed with water squirting in my face. It was spraying all over the place and I realized the sprinklers went off. Bianca and I looked at each other, wide smiles on our faces as we held onto each other and spun in the sprinklers. Some of the guys came in and I was soon spinning by myself, the high heightening and everything feeling ten times better. I lifted my head and screamed as my arms were extended and made myself even more dizzy by spinning around everywhere.

Everything inside me felt like it was going to burst into fireworks and my whole body felt apart of the earth as I spun in it. Everything didn't matter at the moment, because I was floating.

Floating into nothing.

.

.

That following Monday, I walked in the cafeteria with my head hung low, awaiting the gawking stares to turn in my direction. I was more then positive that people found out what happened Friday night - or Saturday morning. I couldn't believe what happened. It still feels like a dream, a dream that I desperately needed. In those moments, everything was heightened; my senses, my emotions, my actions…I felt alive.

I learned that inhaling such chemicals was wrong for ones health and caused a dangerous road for ones future but, everything made sense when I was on it. For once in my life, I felt like my life had some meaning and everything could be okay.

It was the best feeling in the world.

To my surprise, when I entered the cafeteria, only a few heads turned in my direction subconsciously before returning back to their table. I played with the hem of my dress and bit my lip as I tried to look for Alli. I scanned the cafeteria and landed my eyes on Eli and Adam, a comic book at their table. I rolled my eyes and smiled as I moved my gaze. A gush of wind came from my lungs as I saw Alli seated at a table with _K.C_. and _Jenna. _My mouth dropped and I blinked repeatedly as I took in the scene: Alli and Jenna were laughing and talking while K.C. smiled affectionately.

Betrayal and anger surged through me as I drew in a deep breath. I had to do something quickly before I fell apart. A couple of students looked at me as my panicked gaze looked around the room helplessly. When my eyes landed on a certain table in the far corner, I felt a smirk play on my features and I strolled over to the table.

I placed my books on the table and Bianca looked up at me in surprise, an eyebrow arched.

"Hey," I said enthusiastically, taking a seat next her, ignoring the eyes in our direction.

"Uh, hi," Bianca said, uncertainty in her voice.

I laughed as I took in her expression; her lips were parted in shock and her chocolate, brown eyes were wide.

"What? I can't sit with you," I asked playfully as I took out of my sandwich.

I looked up and noticed everyone was staring at our table. I saw Eli giving me a smirk and wiggling his eyebrows at me. I stuck my tongue out and shook my head. I moved my gaze to Alli's table and inwardly smiled in satisfaction as her jaw was dropped and her eyebrows shot under her bangs. Jenna and K.C. were giving equally stunned expressions but I shrugged them off and turned back to Bianca.

"I had fun the other night. We should do it again sometime," I smiled.

Bianca's shocked expression soon turned devious and she placed a delicate hand under her chin as she shot me a mischievous smirk. That was the Bianca I knew.

"It was wasn't it? You know, Edwards, you turned out to be way more then I expected," she smiled and looked down at the table before looking at the gawking stares, her expression turning as her lips curled and her eyes glared. "What are _you all _staring at?" she snapped in a tone that would make anyone's blood run cold.

Everyone turned away in unison and Bianca and I both laughed as we ignored everyone else in the cafeteria. It was a shock to many people and I could understand that. I was the saint and she was the rebel. Those two don't really mesh. But who cares. We enjoyed each others company and I felt _good._

And I wasn't giving that up.


	6. Right Hook

**Thank you everyone for the reviews! Also, thank you to my good friend Taylor(legitdegrassi) that encouraged me to finish this update. I was pretty depressed after tonight's episode even if it was good overall. But I realized something afterwards, ECLARE is forever. I refuse to believe they are over.  
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**I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>Right Hook<p>

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"Does it hurt?"

"A little."

"…Great…"

"You wanted to get this done, and besides, Edwards, it'll be done before you know it."

I peered my eyes at the bright neon lights that were shaped in letters that read, _Brandy's Tattoo and Piercing Shop. _After contemplating this for awhile, I decided to get my navel pierced. The whole idea intrigued me ever since I saw Bianca's and plus, if my parents found out, they would kill me, which is exactly what I was aiming for.

I took in a deep breath and Bianca looped her arm through mine and gave me a reassuring smile as we walked through the door.

Its been weeks since we partied at the park, and Bianca and I became closer since. We sat together at lunch almost everyday - other days it would be with Eli and Adam - and we've been hanging out together on weekends and after school. I haven't taken any drugs since that night and I intend to keep it that way; yes it was fun, but I realized it was not the right way to handle things, even if I escaped the thought of my parents for a few hours…

_DING!_

I jumped when I heard the bell jingle over our heads as we entered the tattoo shop. I was worried the place would be booming with loud music and draped with scary objects, but it was a clean, cut place decorated with many colours and different designs. I felt my heart slow its pace.

"Brandy! I have a new customer for you," Bianca yelled.

A gruff man, draped in tattoos and piercings emerged from a room across from us and I felt slightly uncomfortable again.

"Let me guess, belly button," the man gave me a once over and I resisted the urge to cover myself, even though I was wearing something as simple as a top and jeans.

"Uh huh," Bianca nodded nonchalantly.

The man looked hesitant. "I don't know, Bee."

"Dude, come on, she's 18," Bianca said.

"Get on the chair," he sighed in defeat.

I tried my best not to glance at Bianca and was pulled in a chair a moment later. When the man left to get the equipment, I looked up at Bianca.

"18?"

She shrugged. "He wouldn't believe it any other way."

When the man came back, I felt a sheet of nervousness take over my body.

"Pull up your shirt," he commanded roughly.

As I did so, Bianca grabbed my hand as he put the clamp over my navel, the pressure a little unbearable. When I saw the needle in his glove-clad hands, I waited anxiously as he brought it closer and closer to my skin….

.

.

I eyed the blue gem and silver jewellery that adorned my navel as we walked outside.

"Don't sleep on your stomach for awhile," Bianca said as we crossed the street.

There was pain but it happened so fast, I didn't have much time to dwell on it.

"So, what do you want to do now?" I asked, a little giddy.

We stopped on the sidewalk and Bianca wrapped her arm on a telephone pole, swinging around.

"Hmm….." she pondered and stopped dead in her tracks as she eyed a house a few blocks away. "Lets go to that party!"

I bit my lip. I guess it couldn't hurt.

"Okay, fine. Just be careful," I followed as she walked down the sidewalk.

"It'll be fine," she reassure with a huge smile on her face.

When we entered the house, it was as regular as any other high school party: underage drinking, tasteless grinding, loud music, and obnoxious people.

Bianca took us straight to the kitchen where boys were surrounding the punch table and Bianca shot them a wink as she filled two red cups with alcohol.

"Bottoms up," she grinned raising her glass as I clinked mine to hers.

I downed the burning fluid and felt it rush through my system as I placed it on the table. Bianca poured more and I took the cup with ease and started to feel light headed once my second sup was finished.

"I feel like dancing!" I yelled over the music. "Come on!"

I pulled on her arm and dragged her to the living room, becoming lost in the sea of people. I lifted my arms in the air and immediately took in the beat. Bianca flipped her hair as her erratic dance moves contrasted the music.

I felt so elated and free as I closed my eyes and a smile reached my features as I moved around the room, not caring who I was dancing around. Some people danced with me for a few moments before Iwould move away to another crowd. I was too lost and blurred in the dancing that I almost didn't realize I bumped into someone.

I turned around, ready to apologize when my face turned in shock as a pair of green eyes bored into mine.

"Edwards?" Eli's voice mimicked my expression.

My lips were parted and my eyes were wide as I tried to speak. After getting to know Eli a little more, I wouldn't expect him to come to a party. It just doesn't seem like it would be his "style".

Eli raised an eyebrow and I shook my head clumsily as I licked my dry lips.

"What are you doing here?" I blurted.

He smirked and I felt my pulse quicken.

"I was invited. A friend of a friend is hosting," he responded with ease.

I nodded and suddenly felt self conscious…_No, I'm still going to have fun._ I gave a sly smile as I walked closer to Eli and grabbed his hands. He looked alarmed but didn't pull away. That gave me all the confidence I needed. I let go of his one hand and pulled him into the middle of the living room.

I halted in the middle of the room and faced Eli, placing a hand on his shoulder as I moved myself to the music. Eli slowly started to move as well but I was too rowed up to care how hesitant he was. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Bianca grinding up against a guy whom looked about 18. I looked back to Eli and pressed myself against him and I felt his fingers sprawl on my lower back.

I gasped as a cool sensation ran down my spine as his body pressed firmly against mine. I could feel everyone around us disappear and everything felt intimate as my face was inches away from Eli's.

I don't know why I was doing this. Surely, Eli and I became friends after working as English partners and there was some harmless flirting between us at times, but what I was feeling right now was anything but harmless. I was intoxicated in this euphoria, I was trapped in and could feel my body heat up in a different way.

Eli's eyes were dark and he stared at me in a way I never noticed before. It was a look of passion. Of _want. _I couldn't control myself when my lips started to move on their own and dive in. Eli closed his eyes as did I and I waited for our lips to touch-

"AHHHHHH!"

Eli and I pulled apart right away and looked to find the source of the voice. I saw a crowd of people hovering over something or someone. I let go of Eli and pushed through the people until I was in the big gap that held Jenna Middleton and Bianca.

Jenna was looking at her soaked shirt in shock and fury while Bianca's jaw was dropped and holding an empty cup.

_Oh boy._

"What the _HELL _is wrong with you?" Jenna spat as she wiped her shirt.

"I'm sorry, it was an accident," Bianca apologized calmly.

Jenna glared at Bianca. "This top was expensive you idiot!"

People gasped and I realized then that the music was cut off and everything was eerily silent.

Bianca's soft expression and pity vanished and her tough exterior displayed on her face in a heartbeat.

"I'm sure you own more pink, Barbie," Bianca quipped sharply.

"Oh, wow, the slut can't come up with a good comeback? What has the world come to," Jenna said mockingly.

I saw Bianca's lip curl and she threw her cup on the ground but before she could hurt Jenna, I cut in between them.

"Lets not start anything," I muttered quickly as I held on Bianca's arm.

Bianca still glared at Jenna but she didn't make a move.

"Clarebear?" Jenna's sickly voice piped in disbelief. "I wouldn't expect someone like _you here."_

"That's because you don't know anything about me, Jenna," I replied venomously, the blond girl in front of me still able to get on my nerves.

Jenna crossed her arms and lifted her chin. "So, I see you finally moved on from the whole fiasco between K.C.," she eyed Bianca in disgust. "I have to say, you really degraded your category in friends . I always thought more highly of you."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, as if that bothers me." I pulled Bianca to leave. "Let's go."

"Have fun with that trash. Don't complain to anyone when you become the next school slut and end up all alone."

Before Bianca could respond, I let go of her and pushed Jenna on to the ground, a squeal of shock coming from her. People hollered and gasped and I looked at Bianca to see a shock yet satisfied look on her face. She grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the people as we ran out of the house down the sidewalk, laughing in the night.

.

.

"Damn, Edwards. Next time, give her the right hook. That would shut up her stupid voice," Bianca laughed as we entered her apartment.

I've never been to Bianca's place before but she said I could stay he night since it was really late and I lived too far to walk home alone. My parents were both out and I forgot my keys, so there was no other option.

I don't know if I could do that," I giggled, the satisfaction of pushing Jenna still lingering in my mind.

Bianca threw her jacket on the couch once taking it off. "Oh, please, you could totally take her."

My face lit up when I heard no doubt in Bianca's voice. "Really?"

"Really," she nodded, smiling.

I smiled back but was caught off guard when a door swung opened from across the room. I heard Bianca groan as a middle aged woman with brown curly hair - much like Bianca's - stumbling in the living room with a man trailing behind her.

They both looked drunk or on something and I couldn't push away the uneasiness that took up my stomach.

"Bianca!" the woman chirped. "What are you doing home? Shouldn't you be at school?"

The woman stopped in front of Bianca but couldn't keep still.

"It's a Saturday night, mom," Bianca responded.

The woman smiled. "Oh! That's right." Her gaze travelled to me. "Who's your friend?'

I smiled shyly as Bianca's mother and "friend" walked over to me and analyzed my face.

"Clare, this is my mom, Gwen. Mom, this is Clare," Bianca introduced half-heartedly.

"Nice to meet you," I said shyly.

"Likewise, sweetie. I would love to stay and chat with you gals but we have to get going," she smiled at the man behind her.

They walked past me and I heard her mom mutter to Bianca she would be back in the morning before closing the door behind her.

I looked at Bianca and she was looking at the ground but from what I could see, she looked sad, or lost. She had that little girl face on I saw the night she slept at my house.

I slowly walked over to her and placed a hand over her shoulder. "What do you say we watch TV? Stay up all night?"

Bianca lifted her head and smiled. "Thought you'd never ask, Edwards."


	7. Rebel

**Everything seems so depressing in Degrassi world...I feel like a lot of people are leaving fanfiction. Tomorrow is the finale and some cast members are breaking my Eclare heart. :( If anyone that's still interested in this story...Here you go.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>Rebel<p>

.**  
><strong>

I looked in the mirror and fixed my hair before applying another coat of mascara on my lashes. After Bianca took me shopping this past weekend, she felt like I needed to try different things. I was a little skeptical at first but it was nothing too drastic.

I had on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans that fit a little snug but Bianca told me how it complimented my legs(which she said her herself were nice)a gray off-the-shoulder loose top that showed a little of my midriff and a hint of my navel piercing, and a pair of black flats. Bianca suggested to wear a pair of heels but I wasn't ready for that. I'd probably break my neck if I tried to walk in those.

I walked downstairs and was surprised to see my dad at the kitchen table. My mom was nowhere in sight.

"Morning, dad," I said nonchalantly as I took a banana from the fridge.

He looked up from his paper and scanned my appearance before squinting his eyes. "What are you wearing?"

"This? Just some new clothes I bought on the weekend. Didn't think you'd noticed," I replied stiffly before walking past him.

"Now hold on, young lady," he stood up and I turned around, annoyed. "I think you should change into something a little more decent."

I stared in disbelief before bursting out in laughter. "Are you kidding?"

He crossed his arms and his face displayed a stern look. As if his parental order was normal. Ha. He hasn't been home enough to even be considered a person living in this house.

"There is nothing funny about this," he scolded.

I tried to stop my laughter. "Sorry, but its just really funny when you try to be a parent."

Shock and anger displayed his face. "Excuse me? You have no right to say that!"

"_Excuse me?_ You're not even home anymore! You're always at work and leaving late at night or gone for a few days! Do you know how that makes mom feel? How I feel?" I yelled, my voice pained and angered.

"Whatever is between your mother and I is none of you business," he said.

I scoffed. "Why am I not surprised…Always ignoring me…If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're fucking your secretary."

I turned away from my astonished looking father and out the door towards the school.

.

.

Bianca was waiting on the steps for me when I reached the school, and I was still upset from the argument I had with my dad. Bianca smiled and stood up to walk over to me.

"Hey, lookin' good," she complimented while taking in my attire.

"Thanks," I mumbled, starting to walk up the steps but before I could, Bianca grabbed my arm.

"What's going on? I know that look. Was it your folks again?" she asked sincerely.

I told Bianca a few times about my parents every so often when things would be too hard to ignore. I didn't like burdening her with my problems but she was a really good listener and usually really good at cheering me up after I would vent my heart out.

I sighed. "Its my dad. I think this was our first full conversation in weeks."

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked kindly.

I shook my head and smiled. "Nah, can't miss school today, but thanks."

She nodded in understanding and I looped my arm through hers as we entered the school. The hallway was surprisingly vacant, save for the students strewed along the lockers - and Bianca and I were walking down the hall, arm-through-arm while students gave us looks.

Alli was one of them. I haven't really spoken to her since I saw her sitting in the cafeteria with Jenna and KC. It seemed they were the only people she hung out with nowadays. She was giving me a weird look but with a hint of…sadness? I didn't know but it was starting to get annoying when people found it hard to believe Bianca and I were friends.

When we reached my locker, Bianca leaned against mine as I gathered the books I needed.

"So I was thinking, you should come over tonight. I'll be home alone and I really don't want to be bored for the rest of the night," she complained.

"Sure," I smiled.

We parted ways afterwards and went to our classes. When it was English, Ms. Dawes assigned the class an assignment that was going to be worth a big percentage on our final, so Eli and I decided to go to the library during lunch, because we wanted to get a head start on it and we were partners.

"Remind me why Shakespeare thought A Midsummer Night's Dream was a comedy?" I asked, while rummaging through one of the famous poet's work.

"It was a long time ago, Clare. People from back then would probably think our humour is overrated," he chuckled.

I hummed in agreement and jotted down a few notes. Even though it was important for me to be completely focused on this assignment…my mind couldn't help but linger to the night of that party three weeks ago. Where Eli and I almost kissed. We haven't even approached the subject and everything seemed normal between us, but I could feel _something _was off.

"Hey guys!"

I looked up in surprise as Bianca walked in the library, grabbing a seat beside Eli.

"Umm…Hey, Bee…What are you doing here?" I asked while I silently was asking what she was up to. She was bound to be up to something. Because first of all, she hates the library and second of all, she had this giant smile on her face that could only indicate a whole other meaning.

"Actually, I was looking for you. _Both _of you," she switched glances between Eli and I.

Eli looked up from his book in curiosity and I was still trying to figure out what she was trying to do.

"Is that so?" I narrowed my eyes but she ignored it.

"Mhmm. I was just talking to Drew and he's coming over tonight. And since Clare is also coming over too, I thought maybe Eli could keep you company? What do you say?" she addressed to Eli.

My jaw dropped and she winked at me.

A moment of silence.

"I guess I could come over. You'll have to give me directions," he said nonchalantly before returning to work.

"Great!" Bianca smiled but looked at me the whole time. "I better get going. I'll let you two nerds work."

I glared at her as she stood up and wiggled her eyebrows at me before leaving. I heaved a sigh and returned back to work.

.

.

"How could you do this?" I barked for the umpteenth time as we walked in Bianca's place.

Bianca took off her jacket and draped it over the couch lazily. "I don't see what the problem is. I was doing you favour."

I stared dumbfounded and snapped back when I followed her to her bedroom. "Doing a favour? Explain, please!"

Bianca halted and sharply turned around, arms crossed and expression hard. "Don't be naïve Clare. You like Eli."

I stood taken aback and scoffed. "That is _not _true."

Bianca raised an eyebrow. "I've been your friend long enough to know what you like, Edwards."

She was right. Ugh, I did like him but I didn't want to. Things were chaotic at the moment and I couldn't shake the feeling of entering a relationship would make things worse. Or what if he left me for some other girl? Like KC. I didn't want to go through that again.

I sighed heavily and took a seat on her bed. Bianca took a seat beside me and I looked down at my folded hands.

"So what if I do like him," I looked at her. "I told you about KC….what if that happens again?"

Bianca's brown eyes looked sincere and she wrapped her arm around me, pulling me in a hug. "Clare, no one ever knows what will happen. But I doubt this is the case."

"And why is that," I asked miserably, wiping the small tears dribbling down my face.

Bianca laughed. "Because dummy, I haven't seen the way a boy has looked at a girl the way he looks at you. I think you have a keeper."

I smiled and couldn't contain the butterflies. "Really? I guess so. But I don't know for sure that he likes me. It could be mixed signals."

"Ah, now that is easy. You just have to show how much you want him," she stated simply, hopping off the bed.

"Show him?" I asked confused.

Bianca was putting on lip gloss while looking in her mirror. "Yes, because you want him, right?"

_Knock! Knock!_

Before I could respond, Bianca's mother came in the room. She had on a uniform and her hair was pulled in a pony tail. I've only met her that one night after the party, but she looked a little better now. She was sober but I couldn't ignore the dark bags under her eyes.

"Oh, hello," she addressed towards me with a small smile. "Didn't know Bianca had company over. Clare, right?"

I nodded. "It's nice to see you, Mrs. DeSousa."

"You can call me, Gwen," she smiled, turning to Bianca. "I have work until tomorrow morning. So keep the house clean."

Bianca fixed her hair and pursed her lips. "Got it, mom. See you later."

I almost flinched at Bianca's cold tone. Gwen looked defeated and said goodbye to both of us before leaving the house. Bianca turned to me with a smile on her face. I walked over to her mirror and she walked behind me, placing her hands on my shoulders as I looked over my appearance.

"So are we ready for the boys?" she asked.

I took in a deep breath. "Yes."

_Whatever it takes._


	8. Change

**Hey, I'm glad some people still like this story. Thank you so much for the reviews! This story will become more intense soon. You'll just have to wait and see. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>Change<p>

.

I felt free. Everything seemed more detailed. There were different colours surrounding my vision and artificial genuine laughter buzzing in my ears.

It was probably from the fact that I was high. That we were all high to be exact. Eli and Drew came over just a few hours ago and my nerves were very evident in the beginning. Eli and I talked most. We were trying to have our normal conversations that we usually have in - or out - of school. But that was thrown out the window when Bianca brought out the alcohol and drugs. I was skeptical and relieved at the same time. Eli didn't seem to mind to have some and Drew was already downing a bottle of beer. So here we were, surrounding at the foot of Bianca's couch, conversing about random and stupid things.

"I swear, Mr. Perino needs to relax sometimes. I think his pants are too tight around his dick," Bianca slurred as she leaned over the table to put the pot down.

I laughed. "You are so weird, Bee. You know he just hates us all…"

Bianca giggled in response and rested her head on Drew's shoulder. I looked towards Eli and he was taking a sip from his beer, completely zoned out. The living room was dim; candles were only lit on the table. So it was hard to see Eli's face in the lighting but I needed to ask him something.

"Eli, do you r-remember that…..that…." I snapped my fingers to try and clear my scrambled brain.

"Do I remember what?" he leaned in until our noses were almost touching.

I laughed at my stupidity to not form a coherent sentence and pushed his chest away. I grabbed the pot and took in another drag before offering some more to Bianca. However, Bianca was a little busy at the moment, as she was kissing Drew and climbing over his lap. I giggled and looked away before sitting back beside Eli.

He was staring at me and it was my perfect opportunity to put things in action. I slowly leaned in and felt my stomach drop as he pressed his lips to mine in a hot frenzy. I tugged on his hair as the kiss deepened and he wrapped his arms around my back to pull me closer. I got the hint and swung my left leg over his hip as I straddled his lap. His tongue dove into my mouth and a small moan escaped at the back of my throat when his tongue coaxed mine to play with his.

I pulled away, but kept my hands on his chest, to come up for air. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Bianca's top off as her and Drew started to kiss deeply. I looked back to Eli and with shaky hands, slowly took off my top to expose my lilac bra. My head was still buzzing and I barely acknowledged Eli eyeing my breasts as I took in the surroundings of the apartment. Bianca was staring at me when my eyes landed on her once again. A wide smile was displaying her features and I couldn't hide the one that escaped on mine. I grabbed Eli's face and dove in again, the kiss fervent but slow.

"_You just have to show how much you want him."_

Bianca's words were ringing through my mind like a fire alarm. It was clear enough to make me pull away from Eli. I needed to show him how much I wanted him because I really really did want him. So I stood up and Eli followed suit, curiosity evident in his face. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into Bianca's room before shutting the door and pushing him back on the bed.

I climbed on top of him with little confidence before leaning down and placing a lingering kiss on his lips. My hands travelled down his chest and stomach before I landed on his belt buckle…

.

.

The high has worn down but the bliss was still there. My mind was still replaying what happened earlier that night and each time a smile would reach my face. I was staring up at Bianca's ceiling, wearing a pair of her pyjamas, as a nice calm took over my body. Bianca's door cracked open a few moments later and she tiptoed to lay next to me on the bed.

"So, did you have fun tonight?" she asked.

"Yeah…." I drawled before my face scrunched up a bit. "…..but it tasted kind of nasty."

The room was silent before Bianca's loud laughter howled in the air. I laughed along with her but it was the truth.

"Don't worry, with more practice, it gets better," she reassured before laying on her side to face me.

"I hope so….I wonder how he is after it happened," I bit my lip.

It was a little shocking now that I completely think about it but Eli didn't seem to mind. If I'm not mistaken, by the noises he was making, he quite enjoyed himself. But what if things are weird between us now? Are we going to back as just friends or is there _really _something more? I didn't know and I was a little afraid to find out.

"Are you serious? You couldn't be able to wipe the grin off the fuckers face when he left," Bianca exclaimed. "All I was thinking is that my best friend is a legend in the making!"

I smiled at her comment but felt butterflies for the other.

"He was really like that? Maybe he does like me…."

The possibilities were stirring in my mind and I couldn't help a small squeal escape my lips as I buried my face in Bianca's pillow.

"That is a _huge _understatement. You two pretty much consummated your relationship," she chuckled and I looked at her in disbelief.

"Bianca!" I threw the pillow at her but she just laughed.

"Its true!"

"Still!"

"Okay, okay. I'm starving. Lets go get some food," Bianca hopped off the bed and I followed after her.

We ate our midnight snacks(more like 2 in the morning)and had a little movie marathon before we fell asleep in her living room. Lucky for us, I was able to wake up without an alarm clock, but unlucky for us, we had 25 minutes to get to school.

I felt disorientated as I lifted my head from the carpet and squinted my eyes at the sun coming through the window. Bianca was across the room, laying in a weird position on the floor, snoring away.

"Bianca, get up, we have class soon," I yawned and stretched my stiff muscles.

Bianca didn't budge.

I pushed off the carpet and walked over to her, poking her side.

"Go away," Bianca groaned, turning over but eyes still closed.

"Get up!" I yelled.

Bianca jerked upright, her curls disarrayed and her eyes dead tired.

"What time is it?" she asked, her voice sleepy.

"We have school in ten minutes!"

"Shit!"

We got ready as fast as we could and left the house in an impressive time of 5 minutes. Unfortunately, the walk from Bianca's house to the school took 20 minutes, so by the time we entered the school, the halls were empty and dead silent. Class had already started.

"I'll see ya later," Bianca said before heading down the opposite hall.

I entered Media Immersion and let out a sigh of relief when I saw a substitute was taking over the class this morning. I slid in my seat next to Alli and was surprised to see her looking at me for once instead of ignoring me like she usually does nowadays.

"Hey," she said, her voice soft but hesitant.

"Hi," I greet in the same voice.

"Your dad called me last night," she looks down at her intertwined fingers. "He wanted to know where you were last night."

I stared in confusion, but it wasn't necessarily directed towards Alli. I almost forgot about my dad. I was kind of shocked to find out he still cared. But yet again, he _has _to care. He is my guardian and if anything happens to me, he'll be in trouble. But genuine care? I think not.

"Oh, really? What did you say?" I asked slowly.

Her brown eyes locked with mine finally, uncertainty in them.

"I told him you were over at my house but didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment."

My eyes widened a little in shock and my mouth slightly parted. In honesty, I didn't know what to say. This whole situation is really awkward and it was kind of sad that Alli and I have grown so distant. Alli and I always used to talk to each other like sisters. But things change, I guess…

"Thanks," I said.

She nodded before turning to her computer. I looked at my computer but my mind was somewhere else. Nowhere to be exact. Actually, it was everywhere. I was thinking about these past months and how _much _everything has changed.

How much _I've _changed.


	9. Forget

**Hello, my lovely readers. Thank you so much for your responses on this story because I am not quite finished yet. ;) But school is hectic and literally kills me, which is why I barely update. Same goes for my other stories as well, but I ensure you, I'm not giving them up. Some people might've lost interest, which is totally understandable, but I will finish. **

**Side not on the actual show: As much as I'm excited about Degrassi this Monday, I wish my American buddies didn't have to wait long. :( Oh, and if anyone saw the promo's Bianca/Clare friendship is in the works! Gahh, I'm so excited! I've always wanted to have them interact. **

**Okay, enough rambling. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>Forget<p>

.

I didn't see Eli in English this morning. He was away and I was a little worried. Did he get sick last night? Was he avoiding him? As much as I didn't want it to be either of the choices, I have a feeling it's the latter. Because he seemed fine when he left last night. Actually, _more _then fine. But that was besides the point. The point was that I needed to speak to Eli soon even if it was lunch and he still couldn't be found.

"He's probably skipping," Bianca said nonchalantly, steering me away from my thoughts to see her putting on some lipstick while looking in her compact.

"Y-You think so?" I chewed my thumb nail impatiently, glancing at Bianca nervously.

Bianca squinted her eyes. "Why are you worrying so much? Maybe he's sick or something… I don't get why you're so panicky about it."

"What if he's avoiding me?" I asked quietly, looking down at my hands to avoid her gaze.

As I overanalyzed, things kept pointing back to negative things involving me. If he regretted what happened last night….I hope we would still be friends? I would be hurt that he didn't feel the same way, but I'd rather have him as a friend then not at all.

"That could never happen," Bianca soothed, placing her hand over mine.

"You sure?" I asked shakily, the vulnerability in my voice was starting to scare me.

"Trust me, Clare," she started. "You have _nothing _to worry about."

Her voice sounded confident and positive, making me lift my head up to look at her. She was staring across the cafeteria, a twisted smile on her face. She bumped shoulders with mine and I followed her gaze. My heart quickened as Eli looked at me from across the room, a smirk on his face. He was sitting with Adam but his expression told me he wanted to leave the place.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom," I stood up, my eyes still on Eli.

"_Sure,_" Bianca emphasized, making it clear she did not believe me. "Just make sure you use protection."

"_Bianca!_"

She shrugged and flashed me an innocent smile before returning to her magazine. I left the cafeteria and waited in the empty halls for Eli to follow. When I heard footsteps behind me, I turned around and smiled when I saw him.

"I was hoping we could…talk?" he asked softly.

I tried to cover my discomfort at his sudden request. "Sure. I know a place where we could be alone. Follow me."

I led the way and squinted my eyes painfully to stop the tears prickling in my eyes. At the far end of the school, I opened the door that led to the boiler room. Bianca showed it to me before and told me how she would bring guys down there to "have fun."

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked.

"Us."

_Breathe, Clare. Just breathe._

"Oh?" I said obliviously.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground. "I like you, Clare. And last night…. Was amazing, but I don't know what this means for us."

I almost laughed from the relief of the situation. I was so happy he was thinking the same way as me. We would both be able to solve this simple problem.

"I feel the same way," I said, walking over to him. "I was afraid… you didn't like me that much, or regretted what happened."

"Hey," he lifted my chin to look in his eyes. "I would _never _regret what happened, Clare."

He gently retracted his hand from my chin and I looked at him shyly.

"Then does this mean we're….dating?" I asked quietly.

My face was growing hot and the prominent smirk that displayed on his face was making something else hot. I think he sensed the change in the mood as well, because his eyes were clouding over and he was eyeing me with a primitive stare.

"If you want to get official," he said in a low voice.

I swallowed the dryness in my throat and bit my lip. Eli watched as I did so and I could've sworn I heard a low noise escape his mouth.

We stared each other down the next few seconds.

Then we both clashed together, myself grabbing his face and him grabbing my waist. Our lips moved fast and my hands found their way in his hair. He travelled his hands up and down my back, causing me to shiver and melt into his hands.

"Wait," he pulled away abruptly. "Class starts in 20 minutes."

I didn't really care at the moment. All I was happy about was that I was finally Elis' and had him all to myself. I placed my hands on his shoulders and traced them down his frantic beating heart. I looked up at him, smirking, before jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist.

"There's a lot we could do in 20 minutes," I said suggestively, before kissing his neck.

He groaned and pulled my mouth away. I was about to protest when he brought my lips back to his.

.

.

"Its after school, in the safety of my car. Tell me what happened."

I grinned, looking out the window as Bianca drove away from the school. Things were absolutely perfect at the moment and I couldn't seem to fall off my cloud of happiness.

"What do you wanna know?" I gave her a sly look, knowing this was aggravate her.

"Stop stalling, Edwards," she gritted.

"Okay, okay. I kind of took Eli to the boiler room….."

"Are you serious? Did my little Clare get some," she winked and I blushed.

"…..We talked and sorted things out. But one thing did lead to another," I smiled and looked away.

Bianca gasped. "Clare Edwards, you hussy. I'm guessing you got in some more practice?"

"That," I said. "And other things."

I still remembered it vividly and my toes still curl at the thought.

"Holy shit! Did you swipe your v-card?" she asked curiously.

It was weird, ever since my parents started to fight and Bianca became my friend, my faith sort of…. faltered? I still did believe in God, but sometimes, I feel like it's not the same anymore. It's just probably me, but I just can't bring myself to be devoted to it as I once was. However, my virginity is one thing I am _not _ready to give up.

"I'm not ready to," I muttered, afraid Bianca wouldn't approve.

"Don't worry about, because honestly, Clare, it's nothing special," she said in a sincere voice.

"If you don't mind me asking…..how was your first time?"

She sighed. "Painful, uncomfortable. I was 14 and it was my first party, with a guy who I only knew for an hour."

"I'm sorry. That must've been awful."

"You get used it afterwards. But sometimes…I wish I could go back in time and change what happened, you know?" she sounded so vulnerable and so exposed.

I looked at her, and she looked so fragile.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I do."

"Okay, lets not turn this into a mushy sob-fest," her voice changed back to normal. "Let's hang out tonight."

"I don't know about that," I said. "I have a ton of homework."

"Fuck," she frowned. "Well, if you change your mind…."

The car suddenly stopped and we were in front of my house.

"Thanks. I'll see you later," I got out of her car and she drove away.

My parents were in the living room when I went inside, as if they were both expecting me. They're never home at the same time anymore.

"Hi?" I asked uncertain.

My mom had her arms crossed and my dad's hands were in his pockets. Yeah, something wasn't right.

"Where were you last night?" my mom asked, voice hard and a little scary.

"Didn't dad tell you? I was at Alli-"

"Where were you _really_? And don't lie to me!" she yelled.

I was taken aback by her sternness and parental discipline but it was hilarious overall. Its been months since they actually paid attention to me, and now they suddenly seem to care?

"Wow, this is funny," I said sarcastically. "What's with the sudden change?"

"Don't you-" my mom's eyes widened as she took in my whole appearance, as if she was shocked to see me wear such a thing. "What are you _wearing_?"

"It's called clothes, _mother."_

"Clare, settle down," my dad interjected before my mom could.

She was on the verge of explosion and it didn't bother me whatsoever.

"Is that a belly piercing?" she asked in horror.

"Yep, pretty sure it is," I said nonchalantly.

"What is happening to my daughter!" she lifted her hands to her forehead and moaned.

"I'm still me. The question is: what happened to my parents?"

They both looked at me in shock. I could feel the anger starting to surface. How could they not know?

"Your father and I are fine," my mom said in a eerily calm voice. "We're just disagreeing on a few things lately-"

"Don't lie to me!" they stood taken aback from my outburst. "Do you even know what I've been doing these past couple months? Oh that's right, you wouldn't. Because you're both too busy fighting! I'm tired of it and I'm tired of you two also."

I didn't want to start crying, but everything was so messed up at the moment. I need to forget. I took my bag and turned towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I slammed the door behind me and took put my phone, already dialling.

"I change my mind. Can you pick me up?"


	10. Madness

**I would think this update isn't too late... Well thank you for your responses last chapter! You're going to like the plans I have for the rest of the story. Enjoy the chapter!**

**Warning: Not what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>Madness<p>

.

I couldn't feel anything.

Everything was going too fast ever since Bianca and I arrived at the ravine. Many substances were handed to me and I took them like candy. Some were sweet and some were vile but it made me forget. Forgetting was the only intention I had once I stepped foot in the car. And forgetting is what I was doing. Everyone around me looked blurry and half of them I didn't know.

"Hey there," a voice whispered in my ear and I turned to see Fitz hovered over me. From what I could comprehend, an evil smile was on his face and he was holding a plastic bag that held goods I would fancy having. "You want some"

"How good is it?" I asked. "I need something strong."

"Then this is perfect," he held the bag in front of my face. I reached for it but he snatched it away. "You'll have to pay though."

An arm slung over my shoulder and it was Bianca holding a beer, blazed out of her mind.

"You'll like that stuff, C-Clare," she slurred incoherently, taking a sip before offering me some.

"You know I d-don't have any m-money, Bee," I said, taking a sip and gasping at the burning feeling it caused.

"You can pay another way," another voice chirped and Owen appeared beside Fitz a moment later, grinning from ear-to-ear.

Bianca and I exchanged looks, giggling at one another.

"Oh yeah?" I inquired. "How exactly would I do that?"

"Bianca, get over here!" a voice from afar piped.

"Duty calls," Bianca winked before stumbling away.

Owen and Fitz still looked at me and I eyed the bag. Things were still burry and the feeling was tingling but I needed to have the pain completely gone. The lies, anger, sadness. I just need it to be over.

I started to walk over to them but tripped and fell into Owen. He held onto me and his breath stunk of alcohol, a revolting stench I was surprised I didn't cower away from.

"So what do you say?" Fitz asked.

"What would I have to do?"

They pulled me towards a beaten up van and before I knew it, we were all inside. My top was off in an instant and my head fell back against the beat up carpet.

"Here you go, babe."

A pill was popped in my mouth and I closed my eyes as the euphoric feeling took over my body.

I was too distracted to realize what happened next.

.

.

"Ouch!"

"Shut up, my parents are probably sleeping," I laughed as we entered inside the house. The lights were off and everything was dead silent.

"I can't help it," Bianca giggled. "I'm still high and it feels fucking awesome!"

"I don't care if it feels awesome, you need… to be…" I broke out into a fit of laughs before I could finish and Bianca joined in also.

"Thanks for letting me stay tonight. My mom probably doesn't even notice anyway. Probably fucking some new guy…" Bianca muttered but I heard her quite clearly.

"Don't worry about it, you're welcomed to stay as long as you want."

My voice sounded scratchy and my whole body felt like it was moving on its own. The feeling was still affecting me full force and I felt sore.

The lights flickered on and I stopped dead in my tracks when both of my parents were standing in the living room. They were beyond furious and they looked funny in their pyjamas. It was funny that for the second time that day they're acting like parent-figures.

"Hey, mom, dad," I waved with a smile. Bianca laughed quietly behind me. "What are you two doing up so late?"

"Where have you been? It's 1:00 in the morning!" my mom demanded venomously. "And who is this?"

I just now realized that Bianca never met my parents before. I swung my arm over her shoulder and smiled wide.

"This is Bianca. My best friend," I giggled proudly. "She is just so amazing."

Bianca laughed with me and my parents looked appalled.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Edwards," Bianca sputtered with a noticeable shyness in her words. It was a very different site to take hold.

They didn't say anything but my mom walked over to us and roughly yanked me away from Bianca.

"Mom what are you doing?" I said in shock and slight pain from her tight grasp. Her eyes were still deadly and it was starting to scare me. "Let go of me!"

"Its time for your _friend _to leave and you to go to bed!" my mom scolded viciously, pushing me past Bianca.

"No! Bianca is staying the night whether you like it or not," I pulled away and grabbed Bianca's hand.

My mom looked horrified. "You're like this because of her, aren't you? _AREN"T YOU?_"

"I told you, I'm the same person," I spat back. "Come on, Bianca."

We went upstairs and I slammed my door shut after entering the room. I banged my head on the door and pounded my fists repeatedly. I didn't want to cry. I was supposed to forget _dammnit_! But my eyes started to burn and tears sprung.

"Clare?"

I started to sob and I hated myself for it. I was supposed to be strong. But all I felt was disgusting and used and just… awful.

"Clare, let's go to bed," Bianca said in a soft voice that sounded unfamiliar.

My shoulders trembled violently and I was still sobbing as I walked to my dresser and haphazardly picked out pyjamas. I tossed Bianca a pair before grabbing a blanket and settling on the floor. I heard the bed creak before everything went silent.

I closed my eyes and hoped for a peaceful slumber.

.

.

Bianca wasn't there when I woke up the next morning. I was glad she wasn't. My whole body was sore and in places I never thought possible and I was exhausted. It was raining that day and everything felt crappy.

Especially me.

My parents were both home, to my surprise, but did not speak one word to me. I left the house as soon as I could and went to school. I went straight to my locker and almost had a heart attack when someone popped up behind me.

"It's just me," a familiar voice chuckled.

_Eli._

He went on the other side of my locker and leant against the one beside mine, a look of happiness displayed on his face. I wished his face could cause a burst of enthusiasm from me like it usually did, but I simply couldn't this morning.

"Hey…" I said, putting my books in my locker.

"Hi… how are you?" he said in a slow, sarcastic voice before smirking.

"Good," I nodded.

"Well… that's good. Hey I was wondering… did you want to work on that project at lunch. How does the library sound?" he asked, green eyes carefully piercing mine.

"Yeah, sure," I said. "Sounds good."

"Alright," he smiled before leaning in to kiss me.

_Someone was kissing my neck and I felt something touching my inner thigh before fingers plunged inside me. I clutched the rugged carpet as a new set of colours appeared in my vision, sending jolts of electricity flying everywhere._

"_You think she can handle another one."_

_I didn't know who said the words but I was all for some more. My hands reached anywhere and everywhere for the pill. _

"_Open wide."_

_The pill was popped in my mouth and I screamed in ecstasy._

I jumped away and dodged the kiss, and turned back to my locker. I pretended to add another book to my bag before closing the door. Eli looked a little confused and hurt but I couldn't kiss him at the moment. Not when I was feeling like this.

"I'll see you in class," I mumbled before turning away and down the hall.

"Hey, Clare!"

Bianca was motioning me down the hall and I suddenly felt eyes on me. I ignored the sensation and made my way over to her.

"Hey," I said. "What time did you leave?"

"Early this morning," she said nonchalantly. "Mom called and surprisingly was upset that I wasn't home. I enjoyed a good laugh this morning. How are you feeling?"

"I only remember a little bit. I'm sorry you had to see my parents be like that."

It was true. I barely remembered what happened yesterday. The only things that rung clearly through my mind is the fight I had with my mom and crying myself to sleep.

"Same. I think we were really shit-faced last night."

I nodded in agreement and almost fell over when someone bumped into me from behind.

_This is not my morning._

Owen and Fitz walked past us and I was shocked when they gave me weird looks and a couple of winks. Bianca looked just as flabbergasted as I did.

_What happened at the ravine?_


	11. Monster

**Thank you for the review, Taylor. :) This chapter is for you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>Monster<p>

.

"Are you okay?"

I moved my eyes away from the passing students and looked into Eli's concerned eyes. I guess I haven't been paying attention much since we came to the library, but it was because I couldn't shake this feeling that someone was watching me. I could feel eyes burning holes in my back and low snickering from behind. It was unnerving and about to make me go insane!

"Huh? Oh, yeah… just a little tired," I smiled weakly, causally looking behind me to see students behind the glass wall giving me stares. They walked away immediately and it made my stomach churn.

Eli placed his hand gently over my face and I almost sighed from the warmth of his skin. I suddenly wanted to cry. Because I think I did something wrong last night. Something really wrong that I can't take back.

"Jesus. Clare, you're freezing," he commented, retracting his hand away. "Do you wanna go to the nurse?"

"No," I shook my head. "I'll be fine. I just need to go to the bathroom."

I stood up but he gently grabbed my hand. _He really does like me,_ I thought when a new set of emotions displayed in his eyes.

"Maybe you should go to the nurse. I'll go with-"

I cut him off with my lips and his hand dropped from mine and he leaned back in surprise. I grabbed his face and tried to put as much passion into the kiss as I could before pulling away. His eyes were still closed and he looked more blissful then surprised.

"I'll be back soon," I said softly before leaving the library.

I looked in the mirror when I reached the bathroom; my face looking ten times worse then this morning. I honestly looked dead. Or on the verge of being dead. Dark purple circles shadowed under my eyes and my lips were as white as a sheet. My hair was flat and dull and my skin was a sickly pale colour.

_How did this happen?_

I used to be healthier, wiser and brighter. I was even - dare I say - happier? I had issues and problems but at least I didn't feel like I was going to waste away like a ghost. I rummaged through my bag and took out the _Aspirin _I stole from mom's bathroom. I popped in two and swallowed them whole, coughing in pain from the dryness it caused.

The door then swung open and I placed the pills quickly back in my bag before fixing myself up.

"Well, well, well, long time no talk, _Clarebear._"

I mentally cringed at Jenna's voice and was ready to bolt when I noticed Alli standing with her. Jenna looked snide while Alli looked uncomfortable.

"Jenna_, _hey. Alli," I greeted, pulling my bag strap higher on my shoulder.

"Wow, you don't look so good," Jenna noted, in a way that sounded more menacing then the words themselves. "I guess that's expected after being the school whore."

"_Jenna_," Alli scolded but I barely heard her.

"Excuse me?" I said disbelievingly.

"Don't act dumb, Clarebear," Jenna said impatiently. "Everyone knows."

"Knows what?" I demanded.

That Eli and I were dating and might've done some stuff together. I was pretty sure KC dumped me for not being able to provide those things in the past for Jenna. I was also pretty sure that him and Jenna did as much as Eli and I did - at least I think - so she had _no _right to judge.

"What happened at the ravine," Jenna snapped. "Owen and Fitz won't stop blabbing about it."

My mouth dropped slightly and I wanted to cry in embarrassment. I didn't know what happened but I needed to find out. Right now. Jenna looked smug and Alli looked sympathetic but I was already pushing past them and out in the hall. More people had cast glances my way as I tried to discreetly leave the school.

I went to the area where smokers' usually are and spotted Owen and Fitz right away.

"What the hell did you do?" I yelled harshly, pushing them roughly.

They both laughed at me.

"Easy there, babe," Fitz said calmly. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Why are you telling people I slept with you guys?" I fumed, glaring at both of them.

"Because it's true," Owen said smugly. "Don't you remember?"

"_Alright, get up."_

_I didn't know whose voice it was but I obeyed and sat up, my world swimming and making me almost fall over. My vision was still filled with bright colours and I didn't know what was real or not but someone helped me up._

"_Dude, she's wasted," one of them said, setting me down on the ground._

"_Thank you for your services," the other thanked, clicking his tongue._

_I stumbled as I tired to looked at them and I saw a pair of hands zipping up jeans. _

"_W-Where's Bianca?" I slurred, my head starting to hurt._

"_We'll take you to her."_

"_Yeah, it's the _least _we can do."_

_They both chuckled and the voices rung through my ears like fire alarms. _

"No, no, no, no," I shook my head vigorously, grabbing my hair. "I didn't have sex with you guys."

"Don't worry, sweetheart. We didn't take your v-card, but we did get what we wanted. And what you wanted of course," Fitz laughed, bringing his cigarette to his lips.

I started to breathe heavily and I ran away from there as fast as I could. I went back inside the school and towards my locker. Eli was already there. He looked pissed.

_Oh no._

"Eli-"

"Tell me it isn't true," he cut off deadly, making my skin recoil. His usually beautiful green eyes were dark, almost black, and his jaw was clenched.

"I'm sorry," I breathed. "I didn't think-"

"That what? I'd find out?" he asked venomously. He shrugged menacingly. "It's kind of all over the school, so its hard to avoid."

"I don't remember doing it," I said truthfully. "I think I was on something."

He looked taken aback and I thought his expression turned soft, but he only glared at me again.

"You're doing the drugs, aren't you?" he demanded. "That shit will fuck you up, Clare. You have to stop."

"I don't need to stop anything," I replied angrily, crossing my arms.

_Who is he to tell me what to do? _

"Denial, fucking perfect. It's one thing you cheat on me but having you ruin your life, I don't want to see that happened to you," he said, less harsh then before.

"And why is that?" I snapped. "Tell me! 'Cause I'd really like to know!"

"I care about you."

I didn't know what to say to that. I haven't had anyone say those words to me in a long time and at that moment, I think Eli truly meant them. He shouldn't care about me though. I'm becoming a completely different person.

_A monster…_

"You shouldn't," I whispered, looking down at the ground.

"But I do," he protested. "Probably always will, but you need to get help, Clare. Stop doing this to yourself."

"Just go away, Eli," I begged. "I don't want your help."

I couldn't look at him and I knew I broke his heart. But it was better this way. As much as I want to be with him and have him wrap his arms around me and promise everything will be okay, I can't do that. I heard him walk away and I closed my eyes, tears starting to fall.

"We'll have to hire chaperones."

"Don't worry, HJ. I've got it handled."

Holly J. and Sav's voices sounded clearly through the hall and I quickly opened my locker to hide my face. But I stood frozen when a bag of pot fell to the ground. The hall went silent. I heard no voices, no heels, no boots. I silently prayed to God that Holly J. and Sav didn't notice and already left the hallway. I was wrong, or course.

"Clare?"

I turned around and smiled at Holly J. and Sav, who had serious and unpleasant looks on their faces. They were the school presidents' and kept an eye on the school and students. They would report anything to Mr. Simpson if something was wrong… Including finding drugs in a students' possession.

"Hello, Sav," I greeted politely. "Holly J."

"What are you doing with that?" she barked in an authoritative voice, eyes narrowed.

"I don't know. It's not mine," I said honestly.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked in a voice that confirmed she didn't believe me.

"I swear!" I said shrilly. "Please, Sav you know I wouldn't have something like this in my locker."

Sav looked conflicted and in any moment, I was going to break down. This couldn't be happening. I gave Sav pleading eyes and started to breath heavily again, my lip trembling violently.

"I don't think this would be Clare's, Holly J.," Sav dismissed. "We both know she's a good kid."

Holly J. didn't look convinced but she just crossed her arms and walked away sharply. Sav picked up the baggy and pocketed it.

"I won't tell Simpson," he said quickly. "But I expect to not see this from you ever again. Am I clear?"

"Yes," I nodded.

He gave me a stern look before leaving down the hall. I leaned against the locker and tried to catch my breath. I closed my locker and headed out of the school. The ravine was probably empty during the day. I could be wrong - I don't care.

I need to get out of here.


	12. Damage

Damage

.

I walked down the street quickly, having to get away from that school as fast I could. Why the hell did she put marijuana in my locker? There probably was a logical explanation but I was too pissed to even consider one.

When I reached the ravine, I pushed through the fence and scoffed at the burnouts littering over the ground. I looked around and sighed when I saw a table set up beside the hippy van. Substances were scattered all around and I decided to pick up a cigarette. I didn't even usually smoke but my nerves were shot and I wasn't in the mood to get high.

I puffed the cigarette and held back the cough crawling up my throat. After taking another puff, my insides started to relax. I leaned against the fence and found my thoughts starting to take over my mind.

_What was I going to do? _

My parents were suspecting everything and their fighting was becoming too unbearable for anyone. I was doing drugs, hooking up with boys and revealing myself in the most disgusting way._ What happened to me? _Just months ago I was healthy, happy - at least with Alli - and my school work was still one of my top priorities. God, I'm such a mess.

"Hey, there, cutie," a slick voice interrupted my thoughts and a guy with brown hair and a hat walked up to me. "What's your name?"

_Ugh._ "What do you want?"

He smiled slyly. "Just wondering if you wanted some Mary Jane?" He held up a bag with weed in it. "Free of charge."

"Go away," I said, flicking my cigarette to the ground before crushing it with my shoe.

He ignored me and started to walk over to me. He grabbed my hand and placed the bag on top of it.

"Don't worry," he whispered in a low voice. "It's the good stuff."

Before I could tell him off, he crashed his lips over mine, forcing his tongue down my throat. I pushed at his chest and bit his tongue. He pulled back and I wiped my mouth resentfully.

"What the hell is your problem?" I demanded. I threw the bag at his face. "Get away from me!"

He picked up the bag and shot me a dirty look. "Fitz said you were supposed to be easy."

"Fitz doesn't know anything about me." I tried to sound threatening but I I could hear my voice start to crack.

The guy made a noise of annoyance before walking away. I hunched over and wrapped my arms around my torso. I breathed slowly and tried to ignore the awful feeling surging through me but it was no use. I saw a pair of heels come into my vision and Bianca stood beside me, eyebrows perked up and smile on her face.

"Ditching class," she said. "Why didn't you wait up for me?"

"Why did you put drugs in my locker?" I demanded, standing up properly.

She looked affronted but smiled deviously a moment later. "You look like shit today, so I thought - why not give Clare something to cheer her up?"

"Sav and Holly J, found them," I said sharply, anger simmering my voice. "I had to practically beg Sav to not tell Simpson!"

The amusement wiped off her face. "Chill, Clare. You said Simpson didn't find out, there's nothing to worry about."

"_Nothing to worry about_?" I exploded. "Did you hear about the rumours going in school? Apparently I hooked up with Owen and Fitz last night for drugs. Where were you when this happened?"

"First of all," she began, snarling. "I'm not your babysitter. And second, _you _were the one that wanted to come. _You _were the one trying to get away from your parents."

I threw my hands in the air, exasperated. "Yeah, and I realized it was the biggest mistake of my life!j I drink, do drugs, have sex with boys… This isn't me."

Bianca crossed her arms, and suddenly looked bored. "Then what the hell are you doing here?"

I looked at her in shock. The comment came off so cold and easy - as if we were back to being strangers. Was this it? Are Bianca and I not friends anymore?

"What does this mean then?" I asked quietly.

"You can go back to your old life," she shrugged. "Look, Clare. There's a lot of people that go through pain everyday but instead of whining about it - we move on. I'm not gunna stand here and be bitched at."

She walked over to some people seated on the broken couch and I suddenly realized I didn't belong here. I never did and I never will.

I have to change things.

.

.

I went inside my house and just wanted to drown in my bed. I was exhausted and cold. I knew I still looked terrible but I would fix that later.

"Clare, can you come here please?"

It was my mom's voice and she sounded calm. Eerily calm. I walked into the living room and was surprised to see my dad standing beside her. I had a distinct suggestion on what was going to happen but I didn't really care how bad it could be.

"Alli called us," mom began, drawing in a deep breath. "How long have you been doing it?"

Of course Sav would tell Alli and my parents would ultimately. So much for just forgetting everything.

"A while," I answered. "But I'm not doing it anymore."

My parents looked more distressed then angry and I looked away. I didn't know what punishment I was going to receive but I guess coming clean was better then keeping everything buried.

"What exactly had been going on these past months?" dad asked cautiously.

I dropped my bag on the floor and took a seat on the couch. If they wanted the whole story, it was going to take a lot of energy to say - especially since how I was feeling.

"I've been drinking, shoplifting a few times and doing drugs. Bianca DeSousa and I became friends in the beginning of school and she gave me an outlet from listening to you two argue with each other all the time."

Mom gasped and I closed my eyes painfully, tears streaking down my cheeks.

"Did you have sex at all? With boys?" she asked thinly, her composure almost cracking.

I shook my head. "Not sex but some… stuff." She let out a wailing sound and turned away. I could hear the sobs escaping her. "Mommy please don't hat me."

She wouldn't look my way and I cried, burying my face in my hands.

"You're going to stop this, Clare," dad said sternly. "We need to get you help."

"What's happening with you two?" I cried but they only stiffened. "Are you getting divorced?"

"That's not important right now-"

"YES IT IS!" I yelled, standing up even though I was shaking. "This all started because of you two! I need to know what's going to happen. Stop keeping me in the dark. You're ripping me apart with all these fights."

"We were thinking about it," dad admitted, head bowed.

I collapsed. It was too much to take in. I sobbed and screamed because everything was terrible. Nothing can be fixed. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and I looked up to see dad looking down at me with sad eyes. I looked around, and we were alone. Mom was gone.

"It's okay, Clarebear," he cooed, patting my head. "Everything is going to be okay."

I let him whisper the words to me and comfort me but they went through me like a breath of air.

I knew things were not going to be okay.


	13. Epilogue

**So this the epilogue and thank you to all who've read this story. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>Epilogue<p>

.

Things might've changed since the day my parents confronted me. I got professional help and I've been counselling for the past few months. I never was really addicted to the drugs and alcohol; only the escape it gave me. Anyone could say I'm getting better and starting to be me again.

Too bad I didn't feel that way. I was merely a shell of who I used to be, trying to refill my old self. It wasn't working. People treated me like glass after returning from school when I left for help. I just tried to stay away from any human contact.

Alli insisted though, even after how I treated her. It was a surprise to say the least that she still cared… that anyone did. We talked over everything and decided we would take it slow. I honestly didn't want any friends but I would always love Alli.

However, I still had my times to myself during school. I went to the bleachers every lunch and just gave myself some time to think. Which I was doing at the moment because I couldn't handle another second being gawked at down the halls.

I sighed heavily and stuffed my hands in my hoodies' pocket, and smoothed my hands over my stomach, feeling slightly weird that I didn't have a piercing anymore. I looked across the muggy field, grimacing at how dark and dank the weather was today. I always hated when the weather was crappy.

"Didn't think this was the type of weather one would glorify in," a familiar voice called out.

Eli walked up the steps before taking a seat beside me but I still looked straight ahead. We haven't spoken to each other since the day we broke up but I missed him terribly everyday.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked.

I finally looked at him and he stuffed his hands in his pockets, an expressionless look on his face.

"I think it's time we have a talk." He gave me a small smirk. "I want to know how things are."

He must've knew. The whole school knew former Saint Clare left the school for being a slut mixed with drugs and alcohol. I was surprised he wanted to know how I was doing. After everything… I would think he hated me.

"I'm getting better. At least for my health. I haven't done anything in months," I explained, feeling tired and cold.

"How did your parents take it?"

"They both have been there, helping me get through this. My mom won't speak to me though." I closed my eyes painfully. "She hasn't spoken to me in months."

She wouldn't even look at me. She helped me get the help I needed and her and dad haven't gotten a divorce yet for my sake but she wouldn't speak to me face-to-face. I tried to talk to her but she would just leave the room and hide away for the night. It killed me but I just had to wait, I guess. Dad said she would come around. I doubted it.

"I'm sorry, Clare," he said sincerely.

"I'm the one who screwed up. I was just trying to forget about everything. I never thought I would lose myself like this." Tears began to roll down my cheeks and I wiped them away angrily.

"Have you talked to Bianca?"

I shook my head. Not since that day at the ravine. Every time her name was mentioned or if she slipped my mind, an uncomfortable chill would shudder through me. Bianca was the root for things to spiral out of control for me, but I hated how we left things off. I did like her as a friend, in a twisted sort of way.

"I don't think I'll be speaking to her again," I choked.

"It's probably for the best," Eli breathed remorsefully.

I knew he didn't like Bianca and what she did to me but he was always gentle for the benefit of my feelings. It was time for me to give in return to him.

"Eli," I began and he looked at me expectantly. "I've done a lot of things. Terrible things that I never thought I was capable of, but _you _are the one thing I don't regret happening."

We've done things I swore to God I would never do before marriage, but I was glad I experienced these moments with him. He treated me with respect and actually _cared_ about me. I just hoped he understood that.

"I'm glad to hear you say that," he smiled. "Cause I don't regret it either."

He pulled me into a hug and I clung onto him, feeling a small piece of stability after all these months. I rested my head on his shoulder and he just held me for what felt like hours.

_**RING!**_

We pulled apart and I stood up, wobbling slightly from my stiff muscles. Eli caught me before I could fall and helped me down the steps.

"You don't have to stay with me," I told him when he started to walk with me towards the school.

"It's fine, we're both going the same direction anyways," he chuckled.

I gave a small smile and saw students walking into the school. A familiar figure with dark curls headed towards the steps and a sense of déjà vu flooded through me. She looked as fierce and beautiful as ever, just like she did everyday. But memories of her mom flash through my mind and I felt sympathetic that she still had to go through the same thing everyday. I'll always admire how strong she was.

As if she sensed my staring, her chocolate eyes flickered to mine and I froze. I expected a glare of disgust or maybe a murmur of curse words but instead… a smile. She nodded her head as a greeting and I smiled in return before she ascended up the stairs.

Maybe we went through maybe messed up things together and maybe we weren't friends, but we had an understanding. We both changed each other's lives and I don't think either of us will forget that.

I know I won't.


End file.
